The Abigailia

Listening to the spirit within

2008-05-27T16:45:00.004-04:00

City Hall in Philadelphia: one of my favorite buildings.

I returned from Philadelphia a week ago and brought with me the memories of many meaningful talks with friends, enlivening musical experiences in class, and overall feelings of goodness. I could have done without the whole getting on the wrong train on my way home, and the realizing I was going to some odd suburb rather than the airport, and not having any idea where I was when I got off the train with 3 bags of luggage, and not knowing when the next train was coming through and what my chances were of getting to the airport on time to catch my flight. End of story? Missed the flight, there wasn't another one until the next morning, and darn tired! But, good end? Realized how incredible good friends can be in those moments-- who drive a whole hour to come get me and let me stay another night at her house. Really touching.

So, despite getting home later than anticipated, I had a wonderful trip and this class was a very meaningful one. Meaningful in clinical ways, but also because in order to learn what to do with cancer patients and how to respond with entrainment to those in pain, we became clients ourselves and participated in really deep experiences.

Being with friends and being away from Gainesville shows me a side of myself I don't often connect with in my life here. I catch glimpses of ME. The me who isn't weighed down from my dislike of where I live. The me that knows who I really am and is empowered. The me that connects more to herself, and to the spirit beyond herself. That is a special experience.

This particular trip was even more moving because I stayed with friends. My good friend Jamie and I stayed up almost every night talking-- sometimes deep, sometimes superficial-- sometimes tears, sometime laughter. We didn't get quite enough sleep, but boy was I ever charged with good energy and a pronounced sense of my true nature that isn't blocked off by the heaviness life sometimes throws at me.

It was hard returning home. Beautiful to be with David again, since I always miss him greatly, but also hard for me to integrate these understandings of myself into my life here. When I was in Philly I had been so sure that I could do that, but it's another thing to actually be here and change those patterns.

I'm still working on it though. My first steps so far have been to just try to open to the spirit within me and not block it off. I think that's a worthy first step. I have spent much of my life downplaying the voice within me: not listening to when I'm tired, not believing my intuition, disregarding my beliefs. Sometimes I get stuck in my ruts and close myself off from the world, thinking that will make me feel safe. But, I forget that by nature I'm a people person. I don't enjoy big crowds-- not that kind of "people person", but I understand people and see people in a way that others don't. I'm realizing that about myself. Being with friends has helped me see what my real strengths are, as well as my weaknesses. In order to really accept that I think I need to open to my own spirit instead of muting it. Sometimes that feels scary because it's a change in my patterns. But, I don't think it's possible to stay where I am. It feels as though the only way forward is up. I better take it.

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T18:18:00.002-04:00

My mom moved to Gainesville last September. It's been wonderful to have her around and spend time with her more frequently. But, although I see her atleast once a week, it's rarely for very long. Again...the whole school thing takes so much time (am I sounding like a broken record with that one?).

So, I've been feeling pretty bad not hanging out with her more. This past weekend just happened to be my one weekend between semesters, happened to be mother's day, and David had a workshop in Orlando. So, I invited my mom to come down with us.

I met up with her at a Wekiwa state park near Orlando on Saturday and had a wonderful day. There was a wonderful spring there, and I think it has to be the largest swimming area I've seen at a spring. Although there were tons of people, there was plenty of room for swimming (especially since everyone seems to hang out around the shore-- leaving the middle free for actual swimming). We swam, went for a nice walk, swam again and just enjoyed the day. Lovely.

Afterwards we drove back to the hotel where David and I were staying. The next morning David and I surprised my mom with three pots of flowers and a card that were all sitting outside her hotel room door when she opened it. She let out a great whoop of laughter and exclaimed, "someone planted a garden outside my door!" Then I heard the sound of the musical card playing, "how sweet it is to be loved by you". She really enjoyed it, and I was glad.

THEN! We did something completely different and really had a memorable mother's day by going to Epcot! We rarely do anything that huge for mother's day, but this year we really made it special. It was wonderful. David still had his workshop so it was just me and mom, but we had a great time. My favorite was our lunch in Japan. They cook the food right at your table and it's really like a performance with flipping things around and making designs on the stove, etc. And of course later we went to Mars, got shrunk by the guy from "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids", tested a race car for General Motors, etc.

We met David for dinner on the way back home and here we are. Good stuff. All in all a very memorable weekend, and one that helped me relieve some of the stress and monotony of the semester. I feel as ready as I'm going to get for the summer semester.

Where has all the knitting gone?

2008-05-12T18:07:00.002-04:00

I have been an avid knitter for some time. I was completely shocked to find that once school started I almost completely stopped knitting. I had to really dedicate myself to get a pair of socks done for Christmas that I had promised my friend Amy I would knit for her husband. I started them in July!!!

After Christmas I really totally stopped knitting. The work of school was just too much and I really didn't feel like it. Not having a desire to knit has been quite odd for me, but I assumed it will come back.

Anyway, this morning I woke up thinking about my trip on Wednesday. I'm going back to Philly for a summer course on pain management and entrainment. But, this time instead of a hotel, I'm going to stay at a fellow classmate's house. Ms. Host and I have steadily become better and better friends, although we never have much time to interact, so I'm hoping I'll get that time this week. Also, my very very good friend Jamie is staying with her too! So, that's exciting. Lots more time for hanging out.

Well, Ms. Host is pregnant and due in September. Another exciting part of staying with her :) So, although Jamie and I are planning to get a few nice gifts for Ms. Host and her family (it's her parents' house), I still felt I wanted something more personal. So, I started knitting baby socks today. I haven't knit baby socks before, and boy is it fun! Moves quickly. It helps that I have time today and tomorrow before the next semester starts. I'm packing and have a few other things I'm doing, but it's nice to have time to knit. And, I'm enjoying it. I'm not sure that I'll have them done by the time I see her, but hopefully soon thereafter. Fun.

Out of place

2008-05-04T18:32:00.004-04:00

David and I just got back from swimming at the local springs and my body feels better. Being in water and stretching my body some felt very good. Being outside and doing some pleasure reading between dips was also really nice. Being there with my honey made it all even better.

But, usually when I go swimming in a natural swimming hole I leave feeling totally refreshed, rejuvenated, and renewed. I don't feel that way right now. I think there are probably plenty of reasons for that-- my last paper hanging over me probably doesn't help. But, while I was there I couldn't get rid of this overwhelming feeling that I didn't belong there.

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and so there were plenty of families, teens flirting, college students strutting their stuff, etc. Lots of people-watching. Usually that's one of my favorite parts, but today I found myself feeling smaller and smaller. This was my first time this year swimming with a big group of people like that, so I wondered if my feelings were about body image-- maybe self-esteem issues. I think that was a big part of it, but a larger issue that includes body image was the feeling that I didn't belong among these people. I didn't see anyone who looked like me or people who seemed to value the things that are important to me. Looking around, probably 90% of the women had sexy bikinis on and I realized that I had the feeling that the sexiness of our bathing suits was supposed to somehow define who we were as a group together. Funny because I think I wouldn't have felt that way if we just all took our clothes off and went skinny dipping (fun ;). Was it just that I know I wouldn't look good in a bikini? Maybe I'm just jealous of these women who DO look good. Maybe it was the teenage flirting energy in the air. Somehow I felt very old and conservative suddenly.

Coming back to body image... For those of you who don't know, I don't shave, and I have fairly dark hair. I have come to find that people either respond to my hairy legs with happy interest, neutrality, or disgust. I like to think that I'm secure with that range of responses, and usually I am. I'm secure in my decision to not shave, but when there aren't other ways for people to know me, I sometimes find myself wanting to hide. That's not their fault-- afterall, it's my decision. But there is a sense I get around people who aren't completely disgusted by leg hair. I didn't have that feeling today.

And eventually all this comes back to wanting a home. David and I have been in the midst of some big decisions lately about where to move at the end of the year. As we get closer to making the big decision the understanding that neither of us have felt at home here becomes stronger and stronger. So, I think the end answer to my discomfort today had a lot to do with that lack of home. The swimming hole represented Florida to me. A big part of my experience here has been not being able to relate to people, and maybe my feelings about body image were really all about that. Wanting to be among people whom I CAN relate to. People who share my values. A community I can be a part of.

I guess that's all any of us wants in the end-- to be understood and appreciated for who we are.

Maybe a swim

2008-05-03T19:23:00.003-04:00

I zoomed through writing 5 pages of my Theories of Music Psychotherapy paper yesterday and 2 more before David woke up this morning. Over breakfast we were looking outside and remarking how we both felt tired but antsy. Wanting freedom but also safety. Immediately I had a thought but didn't want to impose my idea if David didn't feel like it. So I carefully worded my comment, "I just had a thought and I don't know what you will think, but I'll just share it anyway..." He immediately said, "beach?" I love those moments. He read my mind.

So, I dedicated myself to finishing the paper today, in the hopes that perhaps we can go swimming tomorrow. And...I just finished! 13 pages hot off the press. I'm so pleased. I never expected to be able to have a day off this weekend.

In the morning I'll edit the paper, package it up to send on Monday, and then look online for some music I need to find for a new client. Perhaps swimming tomorrow! Now that's exciting.

I think having a day off will help me have the energy to get through the last paper on Monday/Tuesday. Yippee.

End of the semester

2008-05-02T07:46:00.000-04:00

My last paper for this semester is due in exactly a week. I finished my quantitative research papers and mailed them in early, which was a good move. I find that I thoroughly dislike doing quantitative research. I'm glad that it's there because it's necessary and sooooo important, and god bless the people who do it, but I really don't think I'm a a quantitative researcher. Getting through that class has been a biggie for me. But, I think I did a pretty darn good job for someone who hated it. So, that's good.

And I've finished my clinical supervision paper early as well. An intensely personal paper, it was easier to get through but still took a lot of focus (something I'm running short on lately).

So, I have today, Saturday and Sunday to finish my paper for Theories of Music Psychotherapy, which is a big paper but something I'm fairly interested in, so hopefully it won't be bad. I'll mail that in Monday morning and then begin work on my final paper for Foundations of MT, a class I've been enjoying quite a bit. We've been doing TONS of reading on various perspectives and approaches in MT- everything from behavioral and biomedical to GIM, music-centered MT, etc. Then the goal is to develop our own personal set of beliefs and our personal foundation for MT. What is music? What is therapy? What is MT? It gets pretty interesting...particularly since I really had no idea there was so much written on the theories of practice. And I get to really think about what I believe. Pretty exciting. So, that paper will be emailed into the professor by 9am next Friday. I should be able to make it.

This end-of-semester is going so much better than last semester. Last semester I literally worked 11 hours a day for two weeks straight to get everything done at the end. This time around I worked more consistently during the semester and have made myself take one day off each week throughout the semester in order to keep my sanity. That one day off has made a difference. So, although I haven't taken a day off in the last month of this semester, I'm still not nearly as crazy as last time. It's nice to not be completely loony! Which is a good thing because after handing in my final paper Friday I'll fly back to Philly the following Wednesday to start the summer semester. Terrific.

A source of pure joy for me in school has been the friendships I've been developing. Being in a long-distance program I really didn't know how much I'd feel connected to the people at school. After all, we spend a week or week and a half together 4-6 times a year and then sometimes interact through online discussion boards. But, during those weeks we're together in Philly we spend the entire day together. Some of us who fly in (there aren't that many) practically live together. Then we call and email and talk between classes, so it feels very close among us. With my professors too. I've built some strong connections with a few professors. The program is such that I feel I can really be myself. Something rare.

So, the stress of school has taken over a lot of my life in the last year. Something that feels a bit much at times. However, those friendships, and the sense of growth I've experienced inside myself is priceless. It's fairly amazing to stop occasionally, look at myself, and realize "Hey, I actually know some things. I actually have insights about some stuff. I'm a professional." I don't know what I expected from a Masters, but somehow I didn't expect to really feel that I'm educated. I didn't feel particularly educated after my bachelor's...I felt as though I could do some things and I was a good therapist. But, I didn't feel educated. It's a nice feeling. I'm more confident in my own skin.

Thank you Clementine

2008-05-01T19:45:00.000-04:00

My life has become so busy over the past year that my efforts at blogging have been sluggish, to say the least. Whenever I have had the moments in life to poke my head up and reconnect with people important to me, my guilt in not having connected during those times rises up and then I feel as though I shouldn't even try. Thus the guilt continues. The pattern continues...silly really. I've been so bad about blogging lately that I haven't even responded to posts that have been meaningful to me.

And yet Clementine returns. Clementine, I don't even know you in person and yet every time I read your blog, and your lovely wife's (I still do, and enjoy them immensely) I feel as though I do know you. I've recently made a very good friend at school and we've talked about a sense of "light" that you can feel when there are those who resonate at a higher frequency, or those with whom you connect. I feel that when I read your blog. It brightens my day.

And you encourage me to blog, after all this time. That's a lovely thing. It means to me that the sense of connection I feel is returned. And those connections are all too few in life. I certainly want to expand them.

So, thank you Clementine for accepting me back into the blogosphere, even if I come and go. Thank you for giving me the kick in the rear that I needed to stop moping around in my isolated computer space, and get back out here. It's a good place to be.

This is why people love Florida

2007-11-21T22:17:00.000-05:00

David and I spent last night in St. Augustine at a very nice hotel, a la Priceline. We've been having some good luck with Priceline, and while we're always a bit nervous using it, they pulled through for us again and we saved $20 off where we otherwise would have stayed. This was OUR time and I really felt that. David and I had some really good talks on Tuesday as we drove around FL-- we talked about where we are headed in our lives, what's important to us, who we thought we were, who we actually are, etc. It was very good to have the time to breath alittle into that space. We haven't had that lately.

This morning we slept in. Well, David slept in. I woke up around 7, worrying about all the work I have to do in the next 2 weeks before the semester ends and trying to do some work online. But, I soaked in the sleeping-in-feeling from David and enjoyed it. We got a late check-out, ordered omelettes and brought them back to eat in our room. Ah, it was lovely.

Then, get this! We went swimming in the ocean! It's the day before Thanksgiving and we went swimming in the ocean. The water was a bit chilly, but it was a beautiful day. I didn't originally think I wanted to "go under", but the waves had other ideas and I was quickly paddling up and under the wave crashes and having a grand time. David and I ALWAYS feel better after we swim in the ocean. It doesn't seem to matter what's happening--our bodies just relax and we feel at ease.

My favorite moment today was after we had been swimming. We had changed into dry clothes and were driving back into St. Augustine with the intention of walking around some. I had this feeling of peace all around me as I drove with my hand in David's and felt the sun shining through the window. We were about to cross over the bridge into downtown when all the traffic stopped. For a moment I got frustrated, but then I realized we were stopping because the drawbridge was going up to let 6 or so sailboats through. Why am I frustrated? I have time! ;) I turned off the engine and David turned on one of our favorite songs. Tears welled up in my eyes as I felt the perfect peace and love of that moment-- holding my husband's hand, watching the tops of the sailboats pass in front of us, listening to a favorite happy love song...

Good stuff.

Gratefully Alive Still

2007-11-17T17:25:00.001-05:00

I have been very absent from this blog lately- I'm sorry about that! I have missed the connections with those I've met through my blog and hope I haven't lost all my readership from my long no-blog period. Part of my problem I think is that I often post these long discussions on things in my life. That's fun and I enjoy it, but lately I just haven't had the time. So, maybe as a means to continue blogging I could change my ideas of what constitutes blog material and just share alittle something. Any other suggestions for ways to keep blogging when you are busy? Suggestions welcome.

Lots has been happening. I've been to Philadelphia again and am now in the home stretch of the semester. I'm taking a lot of courses and have gone through a lot of reworking to find a way to manage it all. I've had to decide that I don't need to do EVERYTHING at once, because if I do, I really burn out. So, I'm just trying to do one thing at a time. In the meantime I've been seeing my clients, but as the inevitable cancellation happens and a client leaves, I haven't been inviting people on my waiting list to fill the slot. I feel pretty guilty about not seeing the people on my wait list, but I just don't have the time. When I have a break in my client schedule, I just do schoolwork, and I'm realizing that I'm enjoying schoolwork, while I'm not enjoying the work-work so much. So, there ya go.

School feel enriching and interesting and challenging and emotional and intellectual...and just good. Hard, but good. I think this long-distance learning thing means a whole lot more reading and writing than I normally would be doing if I were on campus, and more intense class time. But, it's making it possible for me to go to school from Gainesville, so that's good stuff.

The semester ends December 10, which means that all my papers need to be postmarked the week before that. So, I'm busy researching and writing at the moment. I'm so impressed that I get total access to databases and articles through Temple University's online library site. Very helpful for papers. I have to tell you how grateful I am for my tech-savvy husband. I have been spending the whole semester doing searches through the library site and I keep getting very bad results. Like, I either get 2 results, or 6,000. The last three days I've intensively been searching for sensory stress issues for autism and had found THREE articles! That's it. I need atleast 20 for my Music and Medicine paper. David figured out that I'm using the wrong search principles. Apparantly I can't search in the ways I do on Google. I have to use this older system that I've never heard of. After he helped me I suddenly got exactly what I wanted. I was both very grateful to him, and incredibly frustrated that I've basically wasted 3 days on this. Oh well. I really never would have thought to search:

stress and autis$ not mother$ not parent$

This week David has off from school- well, he sees patients on Monday, but other than that he's off. I closed the clinic too, so we'll get some time together. That is very exciting since I haven't had enough time with my hubby. I'm happiest when we get some good, close moments in a non-busy day. We'll head to St. Augustine for a night and just enjoy ourselves. Also my mom will come over for Thanksgiving. Sounds like fun.

In the thick of things

2007-09-19T18:21:00.000-04:00

I'm back from Philadelphia and WOW is life moving fast. Things are good-- very good, but still a lot.

Before I got to Temple I was pretty worried and nervous. However, the minute I arrived on campus for my diagnostic exam I felt at ease, and filled with delight. I walked out of the stairwell and found a group of students sitting outside the door for the exam. I knew that these were all colleagues! and classmates! We talked and expressed nervousness for the exam together. Fun.

Regarding the exam- I did well. I had been working on my repertoire of songs for the last few months and they asked me to play/sing some of my favorites on piano and guitar. Also sight-reading and harmonizing from a fake book. I passed piano and guitar on all counts- interesting though, they want me to take voice lessons. I agree with their reasons, and am really glad they told me. I tend to strain my voice when I sing and as they told me, if I keep singing the way I'm singing, I won't be able to work too many more years. I'm excited to get some guidance on my singing.

My classes were intense but OH so challenging, stimulating, thought-provoking. Good stuff. I made friends with a few of my classmates, which felt good. By the end I was pretty saturated with information, which made me feel alittle "slow" and emotionally sensitive, but still good in a deeper way.

I arrived in Philly late Monday night, had my exam on Tuesday and then did schoolwork in my bed and breakfast (or coffeshops, libraries nearby) for the next two days. My classes ran from 9am-4:30 straight through from Friday through Wednesday (including the weekends). Intense stuff.

The best way to summarize this trip would be: Emotionally and intellectually challenging, exciting, wonderful. Physically very wearing.

The physical end had to do with a few factors:

The bed and breakfast I had reserved for the whole 10 days, with no cancellation refund? Not a good place. Well, I wouldn't say it was BAD, but I wasn't comfortable there. Being away from my husband, alone, and mentally overworking during the day meant that I really NEEDED a comfortable place to crash at night. I didn't have that. The windows were covered with a delicate lace. Lovely, huh? I thought so too- until nighttime, when I realized there was no drapery to cover the windows with. I could see out, and anyone passing my first-floor room could see in. I complained to the owners but they treated me like I was ridiculous. They told me that all the windows are like that. (Um, yeah, I can see in their windows too!) I changed clothes in the bathroom. Also, no place to sit other than wooden kitchen chairs. This was hard (literally) when I needed to do lots of reading for school in the evenings. Answer? Next time, I'll book through Priceline and get a nicer place for a lower price.
I'm simply not used to all that walking. And, I'm not used to having to plan out every place I will eat ahead of time. The first 2 days, I would wait until I was hungry, and then spend the next 3 hours walking all over looking for something. Not good. Answer? I have plotted out places to get food near my classes.
I just didn't get a lot of sleep. Classes ended and then we often had work to do overnight. Getting food, etc. and the anxiety I tend to have in new places meant I just didn't sleep enough. Answer? I guess I just need to get more efficient in the ways I get food, and develop better stress-reduction techniques for these trips.

So, other than the physical end, it was good stuff. I'm glad to be back to snuggling with my honey though- I missed him :) The online coursework, reading, and assignments continue. I'm finding myself having to keep moving to meet all the deadlines, but I'm still enjoying it.

The other end of things that's happening at Chez Abigailia is that my mother moved to Gainesville the day I got back here myself. I had rented a house for her based on our conversations and boy did it not work out. I'll save you all the details, but the gist is that we had been renting it since September 1st. The landlord knew she was arriving on 9/12. She arrived to find that he hadn't finished repairing the house and was actually working on it when she got there. He wasn't done and didn't seem to think this was a big deal. After traveling from Michigan, my mother wasn't happy. So, she ended that deal and stayed with us for the next week while she looked for a place. Happily she is in heaven with the apartment she found, so it all worked out. It's nice to have her in town finally (as she'll be living here now), but all of this activity has really added to the stress load too.

Off to prepare for a parent meeting...

The Return from Prescott

2007-08-29T20:21:00.000-04:00

Prescott, AZ could be the place. It really could. Isn't that exciting? It's pretty exciting for me. We aren't making any definite decisions yet as wee need to sit with this for awhile, but it just felt as though everything fit into place somehow. I felt that I was a better person there- or rather, that the parts of me that are deeply connecting, warm, kind, open, and full of life were somehow more able to be expressed there. Do you know how that is? Sometimes I forget that I am a smart, fun, kind, funny person. It's nice to be in a place where my true self can come out a bit more.

Besides that general "sense" we had (not to mention the cool nights/early mornings and dry days- ah!), there were just a number of wonderful things that happened:

- We met with an acupuncturist who said good things about prospects in the area from that end. Besides that, we just really enjoyed her. She's "our kind" of person, which was a nice thing to discover.

- We met the one MT in town, who was very encouraging of my work in the area, and very open to hanging out together. This means of course that I wouldn't be the only MT in town, as I now am. Maybe alittle less isolating?

- We met up with a man who is an expert in permaculture in the area, and who has helped develop an area downtown where people are building sustainable homes. It was incredible. You wouldn't know it by driving by, but he gave us the tour and suddenly we discovered chickens, goats, gardens, yurts, etc.- right in the low-income housing area. It was VERY touching and beautiful to me. Inspiring.

- I went to THREE yarn stores. :) One of which had roving too! For a small city, Prescott has yarn galore! And, the one shop with roving gives classes in spinning- which might help me move onto a higher level. Cool.

- We drove through Sedona and had some interesting experiences (although we already knew we wouldn't want to live there), and stayed the night in Flagstaff (which we were interested in checking out as a possibility). We discovered that Flagstaff probably isn't a place we want to live. Good information. We might revisit sometime, but first impression was a no-go.

- The tarot reader we saw in Sedona was interesting, but I don't trust her. First of all, she thought we would LOVE Flagstaff from our first moment there. That didn't happen. The main other thing she said? One of the clearest things she said to us, with complete confidence: "You are having a baby. SOON!" AH! This was both exciting and scary. But, I'm not feeling pregnant yet, and that time of the month shall be coming soon, so I'm not buying it. We are both wanting a baby, but knowing it's time to wait. Our actions follow. She might have picked up on the "we want a baby" energy around us, but not picked up on the "we are waiting" part of it.

The parents with the in-laws went surprisingly well. There were the usual awkward moments and angered experiences, but in general, a good thing. They even said, "you look great!" What a winner. After all the cleaning they barely looked at the house, but maybe that says that the house met their standards. They seemed to like it.

I appreciated hearing Hashbrown's comment on her in laws. Thanks Hashbrown- it's nice to know I'm not the only one!

I'm pretty exhausted right now. After seeing clients today, I really had to force myself to work on my parent meeting notes tonight. I have the meeting in the morning, so I really couldn't put it off, but I'm just pretty burned out. Traveling is tiring, jetlag is tiring, in laws are tiring, starting schoolwork is tiring. But, hopefully I'll get some rest this weekend before my next adventure. (I really didn't think I traveled much before- but NOW look at me...sheesh!)

On Monday I leave for Philadelphia. I've already started coursework online and I have to tell you, this is pretty overwhelming. I hope I haven't signed up for too many courses. I'm signed up for the maximum. However, I'm enjoying the reading. I really didn't think "Qualitative Inquiry and Research Design" could be very interesting, but I'm enjoying it. I can't read a lot in one sitting, but it's thought provoking.

My courses this semester?

Qualitative Research in MT
Ethics in MT
Music in Medicine
Advanced Practicum and Clinical Training

Should be interesting, if I can keep my head above water. I just need to keep remembering why I'm doing this- for me, not for the grade.

The drive to Prescott

2007-08-18T09:27:00.000-04:00

David and I arrived in Prescott, AZ on Thursday afternoon. Wednesday was a whirlwind: I finished packing, saw 2 clients in the afternoon, packed up all my instruments, drove home, unpacked all my instruments into the house to make room for our luggage, loaded said luggage, and headed to the airport.

We got into our hotel in Phoenix at about 1am. Here's something surprising- are David and I the only ones who thought AZ was just a 2 hour time change? We were completely surprised to find it was in fact a 4 hour flight, not a 3 hour flight from Atlanta, and that it was 4am eastern-standard time when we got to our hotel, not 3am. Very strange. Oh well.

Sparing you the details of a crazy rental car facility at the Phoenix airport, we made it to Prescott the next afternoon.

Quick story with a question before I go on: As we were driving north through Phoenix we were in dire need of lunch. The only place we found other than fast food was this out of the way Mexican place. We were wanting Mexican, so it was a go! Once inside we both felt pretty Gringo there- even my asian-american husband. I think we've only been in americanized places before. Funny- they seemed to think David was Mexican. He got the usual menu, and I got the english one. People were watching us a bit, but it was ok. My food was terrible, but that was ok. We needed food, and we got it.

When we got our check there were the usual charges listed, and then with no explanation, they just added an extra dollar at the bottom. We assumed that they made a mistake and so we paid the original amount. However, we were told that the extra dollar was something we had to pay because there were 2 of us. David, being very nice and interested, said he was surprised and was curious about why we owed the extra dollar. They showed us the english menu which said on the back that for any party of more than 1 person, they charge an extra dollar. So, for example: if a party of 2 came in, they would charge $1 extra. If a party of 3 came in, they would charge $2 extra, etc.

After my not-so-good food, this left a sour taste in my mouth, and I'm just wondering if anyone out there has ever had this experience? Is this a practice that I've just never heard of? If so, I want to know about it, so it doesn't catch me off-guard again. I've heard of charging extra for a party of more than 8 or something like that, but I would think that places would want to encourage small groups- wouldn't they make more money that way?

Well...getting off my pony of griping...

Prescott is truly beautiful. The air is dry (I totally didn't believe it was 96 degrees in Phoenix- the low humidity totally makes a difference). There are lovely trees and mountains and rolling hills. There is a sweet downtown area where people hang out- with a yarn store within walking distance to boot! There is a really good Indian restaurant (our favorite). Healthfood stores, a couple of colleges to bring culture to the area, some (but not too many) acupuncturists (one of whom we met with and feels there is a need for more practitioners), and there is one MT here (whom I will meet this morning for coffee).

But, besides the details, David and I are just trying to sink into the spirit, and feeling, and experience of this place. To open our senses and experience what our bodies feel here. I have to tell you- it feels good. Over the last year we've tried visiting places now and then to get a sense of where we eventually want to settle down. Last year we went to Asheville, North Carolina. It was nice, but didn't quite fit what we were looking for. We've lived in New Mexico, Wisconsin, western New York, Long Island, Connecticut, and now Florida. And, we are still looking for the right place. We know that no place will have all the details down pat. You make trade-offs. But, we have wanted a place where we can settle ourselves a bit and feel more of our true nature. A place that fits our personality and our spirit. A place where we can give to the people, the land, the space- and that space will give back to us as well. Surprisingly, I felt that to some degree in Indiana where I lived for 5 years growing up. But, we aren't moving to Indiana!

No definite decisions here yet, but Prescott is feeling good. We'll be here until Thursday. I already feel my senses opening, my body relaxing some, my sense of community and interest in interacting with people increasing. I'm excited to see how this continues.

Wish us luck!

Mama and Baba

2007-08-11T18:27:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Steff and Clementine for your nice comments on my last post. They brought a smile to my face :)

I just finished cleaning the stove- a major undertaking in this household- and one that I don't seem to undertake often enough. However, the fact that it is being done means someone important is coming to visit. This time it means someone more important than usual is coming to visit- two important someones actually. David's parents, my in-laws. My in-laws have never before visited our home. We always visit them at their home in Los Angeles, or we meet them somewhere other than our home. This is a big deal. The fact that they will be here only one day is somehow adding a sense of pressure in me to that day, although I'm trying to relax into it.

For those of you who don't know, David's family is from Taiwan. Although David and his sister were born in the States, the Taiwanese culture is a big part of his parent's past. From talking to others and doing light research, I've come to know that Mama and Baba are unusual in many ways in that they "allowed" and were welcoming of David's marriage to me, a Caucasian woman. I have always appreciated their welcome of me into the family and their generosity, but the process of entering his family has been difficult for me at times. Well, often.

I'm happy to say that my relationship with them has grown remarkably well since David and I first met. Each year we're alittle more comfortable together. I've tried to learn a bit of their language so I can follow conversation topics at times. (They do speak English well, but as a family they often speak Taiwanese or Mandarin.) They try to get me the food that I need. We all try to understand one another, and I think we do a very good job. I don't know that it will ever be totally relaxed, but it's very friendly and there is starting to be a feeling of family among us.

However, I still (and may always) feel tense about fitting the role of the daughter-in-law. I know that I will never, and indeed could never, be the daughter-in-law that I would be if I were a Taiwanese woman. I don't think they expect that-- just the fact that we all live in the States makes that fairly impossible. But, there are other expectations that I try to respect and ways I try to fit the role of a "good wife" and "good daughter-in-law". Part of the issue is that I'm not completely sure of what I would do if I WERE Taiwanese. The traditional role of a daughter-in-law is not even in practice necessarily anymore, in which a young woman really becomes her mother-in-law's property of sorts. Although Mama and Baba don't have any of that expectation on me, the history still is there.

The main issue, I think, is that I want so badly to be a happy family with them, and I want so badly to be accepted. They do accept me- they are very loving and generous and kind to me- but I still struggle to make appearances (as I'm sure many daughter-in-laws do).

So, I'm in the midst of planning out David's wardrobe for the time they'll be here, cleaning the house, buying a new tablecloth and towels, planning foods that they will approve of, etc. They are coming the day after David and I get back from AZ, so all that needs to be done now.

It's an interesting process.

To ease my nerves I've done a bit of spinning and knitting.

Here is the almost completed first bobbin of the Cherry Tree Hill roving in jewel tones:

And, the beginning of Matthew's sock that I posted about earlier this week:

Haha! When I took that picture I hadn't though about posting about my in-laws, and yet I managed to get in our asian-themed futon cover. Go me! *clearing throat* Um, I mean...of course I themed this whole post.

Have a great weekend.

A friend in fiber

2007-08-08T18:01:00.000-04:00

Well yet again it has been some time since my last post. Ah well- life goes on. Lots of good things happening. Some overwhelming things happening. All in all, life is happening- and that is good.

I've been doing lots of preparation for grad school, which will start at the end of the month. I had thought I wouldn't be getting started with schoolwork until our first intensive in Philadelphia (September), but I now find that a few professors will be starting with online work before then. I'm excited that it's starting sooner than later, and glad that the work will be spread out a bit more. I'm also concerned because I still have parent meetings and clinical reports to write this summer. I'll get a handle on that though. This is a big adventure.

As seems to be natural, given the nature of the thing, my excitement is well seasoned with feeling overwhelmed and nervous. I'm starting something new, and I really don't know a whole lot about what it's going to be like. I feel very good about choosing Temple- I don't think I would have chosen anywhere else. But, at the same time I know that I am a person who likes to know as much as possible about a situation before I go into it as I can. I'm a planner. I like to lay everything out. Starting a degree which will be done online mostly (something I've never done before), which will also involve flying away from home and husband 4-5 times a year (something I don't like to do much) without having met my advisor or having a sense of how many courses is too many....well, it's feeling a bit...um...overwhelming.

But, I'm breathing. I know that when I really look at it, this isn't life-threatening or a huge deal. The event will come and then all questions will have answers. I just need to wait. So, I'm trying to do that with grace- and create an environment at my desk, within my mind, and in my heart that can open to whatever this new experience brings.

In the midst of all that, wool has been a great friend. Well, David has been a better friend, but I would embarrass him if I told you too much about that, so I'll stick with wool for now :)

Let me share with you where we've been together lately.

For months I had 2 bobbins of my first singles spun up on Margaret (you remember Margaret? My beautiful spinning wheel?) The singles were happy, but they didn't know what to do with each other. They sat and became increasingly uncomfortable because I didn't know what to do with them. My intention was to ply them, but gee, that sounded pretty complicated. However, I finally decided to just do it. You know what? Plying is really easy. Easier than spinning, in my opinion.

This is the color "Peridot" from the Copper Moose. My mom got it for me for my birthday. I think it's a beautiful color. Eventually, once I've spun enough other colors I think I'll knit up a scarf. For now, I wound it into a tiny skein. 55 yards. You'll notice that one of the singles is quite a bit thicker than the other- that would reflect my first spinning versus my current spinning skill ;)

Now I'm almost finished with the first bobbin of some multi-colored Cherry Tree Hill roving. I'm really enjoying working with different colors. And, the roving itself is so soft!

In knitting news, I finished knitting the socks for David's friend. I have yet to find him to send them to him, so for now they sit on our coffee table, awaiting his feet. As far as I know, he could be in Mexico, Antarctica, Alaska, Wisconsin...who knows? But, hopefully I'll find him before winter sets in.

These are Lana Grossa Meilenweit , Colortweed 1001. I enjoyed knitting them- the stripes are fun. Although I really love the hand-dyed stuff, the stripes I get from some of these companies make for fun knitting. The yarn isn't tremendously soft, but the finished product is very nice, and not as stiff as Opal was. All in all, a nice yarn.

I knit the heel and toe with Knitpicks Essential- some brown color. I was afraid that I wouldn't have enough yarn left for a size 13 men's foot. I think I would have been fine without switching yarns, but I kind of like the look I got anyway. I've never done the switching yarn for the heel/toe thing before- it wasn't a big deal like I thought it might be.

And now I'm enjoying knitting some new socks for another man I know. These are a surprise gift for my best friend Amy's husband. His name is Matthew- not Matt like these last socks- can you keep them straight?

Amy and I had loads of fun finding the perfect yarn online for him when I was visiting in June. We found it. Funny though- when I got the yarn in the mail I found that the colorway looks COMPLETELY different. However, I think Matthew will still love it- it still suits him well.

The yarn is Lisa Souza Sock! in the Mars Quake colorway. (Click on the Mars Quake link to find her pic of the yarn.)

Here is my skein of the Mars Quake:

Pretty different, huh? But, I like it quite a bit still. And, I think he will too. Happily, I'm REALLY enjoying the feel of this yarn. It feels wonderful to knit up. The irony of this is not lost on me. I searched high and low and finally tried Lisa Souza's completely new Hardtwist yarn for David's socks- which isn't the softest, and although I love the color, and I'm putting lots of good love into those socks, it isn't my favorite yarn. I could have just gone with the tried-and-true Sock! that everyone likes so much and not had to worry about gauge changes, etc. Oh well.

And yes...David's socks are coming along. I'm trying to keep them a secret- well, the finished product a secret anyway. I don't think I'm doing very well with the secret part. I keep forgetting to put them away at key moments. Oh well. The socks are turning out nicely.

Next week David and I fly off to Arizona for a week. Might we ever want to live there? Stay tuned to find out. (I'll be interested to hear myself!)

Opening to the Silence

2007-07-13T20:41:00.000-04:00

Over the last month or so I've found my senses opening- first slowly, and then rather quickly. This began with some deliberate steps on my part. I'm always working on ways to develop myself. In a way, this time in Gainesville feels like it could be, and is, an opportunity to try things out before moving to a more permanent location and a number of other factors jump into place (David and I settle into more permanent businesses, we have children, we build or buy a house, etc.). Although being in Gainesville has been hard for me for reasons that I'm only beginning to understand, this time really is a tremendous opportunity to "train" in life- to try things out and grow on my own before some of those other more settled things come into my life (things that I want, but will also mean less time/energy for just me).

A month ago David and I began taking a Qi Kung class that meets once a week for an hour. We had taken the level 1 class over a year ago and gotten a lot out of it, so we decided to now take the level 3 class. In the level 1 David and I had begun to really feel the qi, or life energy, moving through our bodies. We had more energy, were less fatigued, etc. After the class ended however, I had stopped my daily practice. So, now I began with this new level 3 class and am finding that, whereas the first class helped me feel the flow of energy through my body, this class is increasing the energy- "building" it really- at an incredibly increased rate. I end my 20 minute practice feeling ready to go boxing or something. I don't need as much sleep. It's pretty remarkable. My ability to experience things is increasing remarkably, as I have the energy to do things.

At about the same time, we began going to the local Quaker meeting. As I mentioned in my earlier post, that opening has felt very special to me. I hesitate to write about it too much because using words really takes away the essence of what it is. But I will say that it is another place in which I'm finding a nurturing of the part of myself that has been hidden for some time. It is a place that encourages and appreciates the connection to something beyond the day-to-day practicalities of life, and nurtures the spirit in us. The sacred in silence is appreciated and the possibilities inherent in being in that silence are opened to.

David and I also began going on walks now and then. Not just walking for exercise though- my intention in these walks was to notice. To appreciate the trees. To hear the birds. To allow myself to open beyond the confines of my own barriers.

You know what? It sounds beautiful to do all this- it sounds mystical. And, it is. It really is. But, at the same time it touches a deep ache. To open on a deep level exposes me to more. I feel more sensitive to the rough edges. When someone yells suddenly, I'm scared more easily. When someone shoots someone for no reason during the movie, my body is shocked. Even being in a room where people don't respect one another feels hard. In some ways, I'm starting to want to cover myself in a blanket and hide a bit. I'm like a baby taking it's first steps- but I haven't quite figured out how to make the falling graceful.

It reminds me of a natural stage in therapy that I often see in my clients. Often after making huge strides in learning how to engage the relationships around them, or making excellent progress in their language development, they will regress slightly and shut me out. I always know that this is natural and makes sense- they need time to integrate all this learning into themselves and make room to continue growing. After a few weeks, or even a month, if I can help the parents understand what is happening and keep them coming to therapy, the client will return to therapy having made a huge leap forward and are ready to continue in therapy. They just needed time to sit with the new learning, make sense of it, and come out the other side.

I'm on the cusp of that next leap forward- it's still feeling a bit safer under the blanket, but I'm starting to want to peek out some.

Where Has Abigail Been?

2007-07-11T21:37:00.000-04:00

Visited my best friend Amy in Arlington, TX...um, yeah...that was like a month ago. I'm really behind on updating my blog! We had a really nice time though. It was a good visit and we even visited a yarn shop. (more later)
Had a stupid accident (I fell onto the tile floor while taking off my shoes) and threw out my shoulder/back. I began going to a chiropractor and was just about fine after 2 weeks. I'm continuing to go now every once in awhile to keep aligned.
Celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary! What a beautiful, kind, loving man I married.
Began going to a Quaker meeting in town. We've gone twice now and really enjoy it. We may become regular attendees. There is something very simple, subtle, but immensely meaningful about it. I've really been missing that in my life. I've missed a space of openness and silence to share with other people. To be in a room with other people who are all open and accepting of the spaces between things- the God in the openness- that is meaningful to me.
We enjoyed a fun weekend with David's good friend Paul. He drove down from the Atlanta area and we had a really nice time.
I'm doing a lot of work for the end of my clinical year (I have the clinical year end at the end of August for my clinic). Parent meetings, excerpt tapes from sessions, clinical reports, scheduling clients for the school year, etc. Scheduling- my favorite! Ulch.
Looking at houses/apartments for my mom who is looking to move here in September. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm hoping we can find her a great place.
Surprisingly, I've not done a whole lot of knitting. For some reason the rest of my life has sort of taken over. However, I did ply my first yarn on the spinning wheel. More on that later.

In general I'm having a hard time catching up on things it seems. The world is moving faster than me. You know what? I'm kind of ok with not moving as fast as the world- I hope it feels the same ;)

A time for myself

2007-06-12T15:59:00.001-04:00

As soon as I knew I was going to Otsego, I knew I wanted this to be a time to do the things that I love- to care for the Abigailia in the ways that are just Abigailia. So, my first order of business? Search for yarn stores!

I was delighted to find a yarn shop that opened just this past year called ImagiKnit. They're right in downtown Gaylord and I felt welcome and happy there from the minute I walked in. I wasn't sure what to expect. I love Otsego Lake (as you may have gathered) and I love the feeling of community and old-town connectedness. I love imagining my great-grandmother walking down these streets. Imagining my grandmother eating at this restaurant. Although I love those things, I was hoping that this wasn't my grandmother's yarn shop. I mean, they recently opened so obviously she didn't shop here, but I prefer more modern yarn shops. I found it.

The minute I walked in I was welcomed by the owner. She also welcomed my mother and tried to find a way for my mom to use wireless internet. This was a ploy on my part to make my mom happy so that I could shop longer guilt-free. I think the owner understood my mind. Unfortunately, Mom couldn't hook up, but my non-knitting mother felt very welcomed and the two of us spent lots of time talking to the owner and another woman there. The other woman may have been her business partner? I'm not sure. But, she obviously has a hand in the yarn shop. Deby Lake was her name, and it quickly became clear that she knew a lot about knitting. She runs the SWTC sock club and designs all sorts of things. I had her sign my copy of one of her sock designs (it came with the Tofutsies I bought). I had loads of fun talking to both of them.

They had all the best yarns, as well as some less expensive things that looked appealing as well.

David, if you are reading this, you may want to avert your eyes at this point. Think of this as happy Abigail stash, not more yarn to add to my overfilling bookcase stash. It's all about the way you think about it.

In the back we have 3 balls of Universal Yarn: Deluxe Worsted LP in "Midnight Blues". I'm planning to use this for a bag Lorena inspired me on, called the Bling Bag. They actually had one knit up at the shop from this yarn. I was going to use Malabrigo for the bag, but I can't bring myself to make a $150 bag from that stuff. This is much more reasonable in terms of money. Plus, it's pretty.

On the right you'll see the "Tidal Wave Socks" pattern by Deby Lake that I got with the pink Tofutsies. Deby says it's the most downloaded sock pattern on the net!

To the left of the Tofutsies is Cherry Tree Hill Supersock in "Misty Moor". After which are two skeins of Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock in "Jeans". The Lorna's Laces and CTH were my attempts to have more male-friendly colors in my stash. Now and then I want to knit for a guy and find I don't have the colors they would like. So, these are good companies and now I have some color options. I've never tried Lorna's before, but I know I love CTH.

On the left-most side of the pic you'll find a skein that I'm pretty excited about for some future pair of socks- probably for myself. I don't usually go for pinks, but these colors are so beautiful- a combination of lavender, pink, peach, blue, turquoise, clay, etc. It's by a company called "Perchance to Knit", and the tag says, "handpainted with lovingcare exclusively for ImagiKnit". So, I'm pretty excited to have a pair of socks that will be my "Otsego Lake" socks- reminding me of that place. The yarn feels wonderful- maybe even softer than the CTH. It's 100% Superwash Merino and is in the colorway: "Cosmos".

To end, I'll show off a sock I finished before leaving for vacation. At this point I'm 2/3 through the leg of the other sock as well. This is Lana Grossa Meilenweit 1001. I used KnitPicks Essential for the heel and toe. Now that I'm done I realize I would have had plenty of yarn for the whole sock, but I was concerned I'd run out since these socks for a very large foot. Turns out that I kind of like this look though anyway.

I did quite a bit of knitting at the lake- mostly on a sock for David. I won't show that yet though. I'll wait till I'm done with both of them.

Beautiful Otsego Lake

2007-06-11T10:06:00.000-04:00

Alright, I couldn't stand to post about this beautiful place and not give you a visual.

My beautiful mother takes in the moment our first morning othe lake:

And, my last evening on the lake, after a storm:

I have returned

2007-06-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

Well I sort of disappeared for awhile there, didn't I? I meant to post before I left on vacation, but well, that didn't happen. Thanks for all your comments on my last post- it's always nice to return home to find comments that inspire or make me smile.

Clementine, your comment really helped me- about making home wherever you are, and really planting yourself there, regardless of how short a time you will be there. It helped on my vacation, and I continue to consider it as I'm now home.

The Saturday before Memorial Day I said goodbye to David and flew off to Cleveland for an event-packed few days. I was there for my cousin Charming's (no, not his real name) wedding, which was wonderful. I met my mom, dad, and brother there and saw all manner of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. It was a very good and also interesting experience. Somehow I began to see more clearly where my extended family and I connect and where I start to move off on my own. It was a positive thing, even if painful at times. There is a richness in seeing myself in my family- to be known, accepted, and welcomed regardless of other issues, simply because we are blood and have known (and will always know) one another. That is a powerful feeling, and one I have missed a great deal since living so far away from family. However, it was also empowering for me to be able to acknowledge where we are different. In the past I think I have taken those differences to mean I need to do something different to myself. This time, I just acknowledged them as differences and tried to have fun- as myself, not as someone else.

The wedding was a blast! I wish David could have been there too- that would have made a big difference for me, but still. The highlight for me was at the reception when my cousin Andrew was dancing with his wife. They had a live salsa band and it was very cool. I should add here that my cousin Charming is someone EVERYONE wants to know. He is charming, good-looking, smart, funny, happy, a good listener, considerate, etc. I'm sure everyone at the wedding was vying for some time with him. Well, I was standing to the side of the dance floor watching them dance and smiling, feeling the love flow between them, thinking of how happy they looked. Of course I was also wishing David were there so I could dance with him. Suddenly, Charming whispered something to his wife and she went to dance with a friend. My cousin came and asked me to dance! I was thrilled. I have never danced salsa before, so I was slightly embarrassed for a bit, but he showed me the moves slowly for a couple seconds and then I got it. It was lots of fun.

On Memorial Day my dad and brother flew home to CT, while my mother and I drove north to Michigan. That evening we arrived at a place that is very special for me- Otsego Lake.

I have been missing this place deeply, since it's been 4 years since I was last there. Getting married and starting a business does that, I guess.

My great-grandparents built a cottage there in the 30's. My grandmother spent lots of time there (She was in her 20s when they built it). My mother has been going there since birth. My brother and I have been going there since birth. I hope to bring my children there too. Friends in the area told me they remember my brother and me as kids- running naked through the long grass around the cottage. It is a place of freedom for me. It is a place built of the magic of generations of women.

Although I say women (since that's how the cottage has been passed down), there is also a very special man involved in that cottage. My Cousin Tom. He lives there on the weekends year-round, and welcomes us there any time we can make it. He's a wonderful guy and I had fun hanging out with him. Although I've always laughed with him (he's a very funny guy), I don't know that I've had many real conversations with him before. I think this may be because I was too young. But, not anymore. We had some very good conversations, and I really enjoyed that.

This trip did me good. It was wonderful to renew my sense of community and depth of spirit. Particularly at Otsego Lake, the feeling of community and family and trueness pulsed through everything. I didn't expect it, necessarily. Lately, as I've considered where I feel at home, I haven't been able to find a place. I never felt at home in CT, despite growing up there for over 10 years. Interesting- although I've only spent a week or so at Otsego every other summer, I feel more connected to that space than any other place I've been. I feel rooted.

I was going to post a pretty picture of the lake here, but it's on my other computer. Maybe soon. Btw, my efforts at making travel easier have been working I think. It's still taking me some time to recover and it was still very hard to be away from David, but things felt a bit easier. I'll continue to practice. This next weekend this traveling woman is on the road again. Off to Texas, to visit my best friend Amy.

Wish me luck!

Five things you don't know about me

2007-05-15T18:19:00.000-04:00

I have been tagged! Hashbrown tagged me- thus increasing my blog coolness dramatically. I'll try not to let it go to my head ;)

Let's see...five things you don't know about me. I'm very pleased that my best friend Amy has started reading my blog. That will make this process alittle more difficult (in finding things you all don't know) and also kind of fun.

1) I was born with an "outie" belly button. I got teased. I remember swinging from the monkey bars in Kindergarten and being called "balloon belly". So, when I was 5 or 6 I had surgery to give me an "innie". I miss my outie- I kind of wish I hadn't gotten the surgery.

2) I have always loved smelling stuff. Well, more specifically, the combined sensation of smelling an object and feeling that object against my nose. As a child I always smelled my fork (without food on it)- well, I still do that sometimes. Honestly though I think it's more the feeling of the cool fork against the skin under my nose- something about it is comforting for some reason. As an adult I've become less conspicuous, but David still catches me at times.

3) I love thesauruses, phone books, and road atlases. They make me happy. As a teen I regularly read through the phone book for fun. For my 13th birthday, an adult friend told me, "Abigail- you are becoming a teen, a rebel! What do you want?" I asked for a Rand MacNally road atlas.

4) I don't like being wet when it's not appropriate to be wet anymore. I love to swim, I love baths, I love showers- but, once those things are over I really hate being wet for any period of time afterwards. This was something that often kept me from showering as a kid.

5) I grew up high on soccer. I loved it, and played every fall and spring in Parks and Rec from the age of 4. When I was in high school I made the junior varsity team, which felt great. My nickname was "Bigfoot"- a nickname I earned after making a goal over everyone's heads from the halfway mark on the field.

And, a bonus: As a child I had a milk-bottle-top collection. I have no idea how this started. You don't need to try and figure out what I mean by milk-bottle-tops, you were right the first time. I collected the colored plastic tops that came on plastic milk bottles. My Aunt Hester mailed me the ones she saved for me, which added some purple to my usual blue 1% milk bottles. In my more serious years as a collector, I even managed to buy some antique paper ones.

Looking for Beauty

2007-05-10T09:01:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure how much I've talked on this blog about my difficulty settling into Gainesville. David and I have been here 1 year and 9 months and I admit that, even now, I am counting down to the time when he'll be done with his schooling and we can leave.

When we moved here we knew we would stay atleast 3 and 1/2 years for his program, and thought that if we liked it, we would settle down here. I hoped we might settle down here. I have a hard time with transitions, which is kind of ironic given that before Gainesville, David and I hadn't lived anywhere for longer than 10 months in the 5 years we've been together. David and I both really want a place to settle into. To feel home, to feel a sense of community, a feeling of connection with the land and people around us.

Knowing that we are leaving here in alittle under 2 years means that I never quite feel it's worth it to plant seeds. The result is that I often feel caught in my own little world and don't feel connected to much outside myself. I want to have that connection, I really do. Something about Gainesville just doesn't feel home to me though. I like it here, I really do. It's a great town, but somehow it just doesn't feel like home.

I certainly have been trying to find ways to connect. I get together with Silvia once a week for knitting (well, we try for once a week ;), which I really enjoy, I try to get together with other friends now and then, I have work (although I work alone, which often feels isolating). Starting my Masters really has been my first large way for me to bring new energy outside of Gainesville to my experience here. I'm just not feeling it in Gainesville, so I'm bringing in some outside help. I also find that this fall my mom is planning to move to FL and spend the winter! Awesome. She is retiring this spring and selling her house. It will feel good to have her here.

What I'm finding is that since I often have such a negative feeling about my home here, I don't put much love into this environment. I keep things relatively tidy and kept up, but I don't put that extra sparkle into things. And yet, I really value that in other people. Some people put that sparkle into their homes, their yards, even their clothes and blogs.

Lately I've been trying to bring some of that into my life. Knitting is a big way I seek to nurture beauty around me. Last week I got a haircut for the first time in over a year- it looks cute :) One of my clients' parents couldn't stop commenting on it- alittle too much actually. Made me wonder what I looked like before! ;) But, I'm also raking the leaves in the yard, cleaning the stove, trying new outfits, etc. I think I've underestimated the power of those little touches before. I'm a fairly all-natural, non-materialism woman, but that doesn't mean that an extra touch isn't a lovely thing. Maybe those touches bring alittle bit of that "home" to a house- to a person.

I don't know how much I want to bring home here, since I won't be staying. But, I would like to dabble with that feeling of home and atleast know how to bring it to my heart.

Normally I would end this post right now, but I want to add that just at the time when I've been trying to nurture beauty around me lately, the wildfires have been burning. It's making it awfully hard to open to my environment and feel open and peaceful with my home. For those of you not in Gainesville, there has been a steady plume of smoke for the last week sitting over Gainesville. Tuesday was the worst. I could hardly see the 25 feet across the courtyard where I work. Ash was falling over everything- leaving an eerie snow-like blanket.

I don't know if the the timing of the smoke with my trying for beauty is a message or just an ironic challenge, but either way it's awfully difficult to live with. I think I'll go turn our air purifier up. Atleast the inside of our home can have some smoke-free space, for which I'm grateful.

"A History of Psychology"... Who knew?

2007-05-06T07:52:00.001-04:00

I mentioned awhile back that I decided to skip the intro to research course for my Masters. I already took a Bachelor's level course and don't really want to spend my time looking at all that intro stuff again. However, I do want to make sure I'm successful in the next courses. This fall I'll be taking a qualitative research course- then I presume I'll take the quantitative research course in the spring.

I spent some time emailing back and forth with the main advisor at Temple. I couldn't quite decide if I was nuts to consider moving straight into the qualitative course. I asked them to email me the syllabus. My thoughts upon reading it? "!!!! uh !!!! what the... !!!" Then I realized that my stress was about the AMOUNT of work in the course, not necessarily the difficulty of the concepts. Actually, I already knew most of the "learning objectives" for the course. I went back and reread a couple things in my research book and felt I could do this.

So, then I emailed the professor who will be teaching the qualitative course. He is so very, very nice. I have known him before through my good friend and mentor, John, but hadn't experienced him in this role. He was very helpful. He was confident that I'd do fine with the course, given my background, and was totally willing to aid me in any areas I needed help in. Also, he suggested some passages for me to read this summer in the new edition of the research book (which I then purchased), as well as a chapter or so in another book - "A History of Psychology", by Thomas Leahey. I put Leahey on ILL at our county library and have been holding onto it. However, the due date is tomorrow so I finally am doing that reading this weekend.

I'm really enjoying it. I don't know how much I expected to like it. Actually, I'm pretty sure I thought I would find it boring. It IS boring, in it's way, but it's also very thought provoking- something I've been needing lately in my work. Very cool. So, these thoughts aren't necessarily aiding me in my day-to-day clinical work, but it just feels good to have some mentally challenging material to "broaden my horizons", so to speak. Next I'll try to get into some of those chapters in the research book.

Knitting news for April

2007-05-06T06:54:00.000-04:00

It's been some time since I've posted about knitting. Well, it's been some time since I've posted. I'm finding it difficult to make myself sit to blog. Silly really. I second guess myself into thinking I have nothing to blog about. Silly.

However, there is knitting news.

I finished the Barn Swallow socks from Autumn House Farm, "Herdwick Fine" yarn.

This is cool yarn. I hadn't heard of it before, but saw it when I went to Rosie's Yarn Cellar in Philadelphia for my audition. Well, I didn't audition at Rosie's, ...you get the idea. I also got a skein of "Bracken". If you go to their link you'll see that they really do have amazing colorways. I've been happy with the yarn itself too- although I admit that the vividness of the colors is what I fell in love with. The yarn itself has nice stitch definition. I used my usual size 0 needle for the cuff and size 1 bamboo for the sock itself, and am pleased with the result. I do seem to recall that the yarn didn't feel quite as stretchy as some other yarns, but it is 100% merino, so that may be why.

These are the first real socks I've knit for myself. Hooray! (Well, my first pair were for me, but they were made out of acrylic worsted weight. I live in FL. Therefore they don't count ;) Unfortunately I made the socks a little too small for me. I'm always making them too big, so this time I overcompensated. My fault, not the yarn's. The sock feels quite warm though- I'm not sure if I'll be wearing them in the summers here. They'll be nice in the fall/winter.

After I finished these socks I went on my mission for David's sock yarn. You've heard about part of this process here. So, I made an order with Lisa Souza, having heard great things about her sock yarns.

(Sock! "Emerald City" on top, with Hardtwist "Seafoam" on the bottom.)

I haven't tried out the Emerald City yet, but I must say that the colors are just what I was hoping for- very vibrant, full, and gorgeous. Also I've seen and felt the socks of other knitters' who used the Sock! and it felt wonderful.

Now, the Hardtwist. I don't know about it. This is one of her newer yarns, and I got it because I heard people say that it was spongy and had nice stitch definition. People on one forum referred to it as a Socks That Rock yarn with Lisa Souza colors. That sounded fabulous. Really, I was looking for a yarn with excellent stitch definition and something sproingy because I want to use this yarn for my first cable project.

The color is PERFECT! When I ordered it, I didn't realize how perfect it was. David's favorite color is "seagreen". You'd be surprised at how elusive "seagreen" can be. I've been trying to figure out what he means by "seagreen" for awhile now and try as I might, I haven't figured it out. I ordered the seafoam even though the picture on her website was, in David's words, "too blue to be "seagreen". HOWEVER! The minute we got the yarn David got a sweet smile on his face and I felt at such peace. I could tell that finally we had found "seagreen". The yarn we got, in person, isn't quite as blue as on her site. Thank you Lisa Souza!

Since that moment, this yarn and I have had some issues. First, I wound it up. Well, I wound up half of it. The other half is now in a tangled mess on the mantle- I'm trying to believe that it will de-tangle itself by the time I need it. Still, the seagreen-ness calmed and nurtured me as the sun glanced in upon it.

Then I was off to swatch. This yarn is much thicker than my usual sock yarn. I started with a size 1 Crystal Palace bamboo needle. ARGH! The yarn would barely move and it was torture to knit- too much friction. I moved up to a size 2 bamboo. STILL! Then I moved to a size 1 metal (Knitpicks Options). Better. Still difficult, but better. I put aside the part of me that just wanted to plunge ahead even if I didn't have the right needle. I made another order from Knitpicks for their DPNs. (I really like their DPNs by the way. Very smooth and nice.) So, I'm now using size 2 metal Knitpicks Options DPNs. This is giving me a fairly tight, but not too tight fabric.

I've tried a couple cables on the swatch at this point, and I think I get the idea. Now I just need to decide what pattern to use. This gauge (I'm getting about 6 st/1 inch) is making it difficult to find a pattern I like for cabled socks. I may just make up my own. Now wouldn't that be putting myself into this sock. Feel the love honey?

While all this was happening we went on that trip to visit David's friends. On the way I started the first pair of socks ever where I didn't know who I was knitting them for. I always start with a specific person in mind and put that person and our relationship into the sock. However, this yarn, much as I love it, didn't seem to fit anyone I knew. Still, I started it and had finished the cuff by the time we got to Macon, GA. As David and I sat in a circle talking with these guys who have been a big part of our past I knit and knit and knit. I got more knitting done in that 24 hours than ever before. I basically finished the leg in in fewer than 24 hours- something I've never done before.

I had a truly wonderful conversation with Matt, one of David's friends. He seemed particularly interested in my knitting and we got talking about relationships, life, feelings, etc. As we talked I knit. After we talked I knew. These socks were for him. I measured his feet. I'll show you some pictures eventually. I'm partway into the foot of the first sock now. (My pace slowed considerably after we came home.)

I started the second sleeve on the SKB yesterday and the shawl progresses slowly. That's about it for now on the knitting front.

Back from vacation

2007-04-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

I have not fallen off the ends of the earth. Or if I did, I'm back now. This evening David and I returned from our little, much needed vacation.

We spent two nights in St. Augustine, FL which was wonderful. David and I do plenty of traveling, but it's always for family engagements or some event where we need to follow others' schedules. This was the first time since our honeymoon when we just did what we wanted to do, for ourselves. When we first got into our hotel room we just sat on the couch and sighed for about an hour. There was no need to do anything but just sit. It was almost painful to feel my body slowly open, but painful in a very good way. There has been so much stress around here lately that my body had just been moving in on itself. It was nice to let some of that go.

We spent alittle extra moolah to stay in the downtown area and not have to drive to most places. That was wonderful. We walked down St. George Street a couple times, walked to the Castillo de San Marcos, had lunch downtown one day, etc. We also went to the beach both Friday and Saturday for some very cold and windy 5 minute swims. Perhaps my favorite memory (outside of just relaxing in our room) was Friday night when we decided, after having spent the evening in our room, that we felt like going out. (This is VERY unusual for us.) So, at 8:30 we sauntered outside, not having any idea what we would do. Then we heard live music and walked towards it. There was a fabulous fair happening 2 blocks from our hotel that we easily walked to and spent a few hours at. Totally spontaneous, and totally cool. We mostly just had fun walking around and watching people being playful and happy. We went on the ferris wheel and haunted house too.

Here's a pic of a moment when David had me laughing quite a bit. We were at the Castillo de San Marcos and I was casually, playfully asking him, "so, what's this place supposed to be for anyway?" He lowered his voice and playfully flexed his muscles. "WAR! Can't you feel the war?" So, I pointed across the fort and asked, "what are those?"

"War strollers! Those are war strollers!" I had a good laugh over that.

I'm glad I saw the fort, simply because I'm fascinated by those old structures. But, once I saw the basic construction of it I got a bit bored. That's ok though. We had plenty else to do.

After St. Augustine we went up to Macon, GA where we met up with some friends of David's from when we first met 5 years ago. There's a lot to that story which I won't get into now but I had a nice time and had some good connections.

And....we're back.

I have lots of knitting news to share, and actually already took the pictures, but I think I'll save that for another day. Have a good week everyone :)

New knitterly steps

2007-04-08T14:51:00.000-04:00

I got a happy package this week. The yarn!

(Cherry Tree Hill "SuperSock"in Nantucket Red and Loden)

The colors are just what I was hoping for- a red that's not too red, and a nice green. I plan on doing some lace or cables or something with them. After I bought them I heard from David, as you may remember, that he'd like some socks. So I planned to use the green for his cabled socks. When they arrived, although he made clear that he would feel happy and very loved in ANY socks I made him, I could tell something wasn't quite right with the color. He wasn't going to tell me, but I pressed because if I'm knitting him socks, I wanted them to be as perfect as they can be. The truth came out. Apparently Loden reminds him of Boy Scout socks.

Well, that won't do, will it? I now imagine the Loden in a leafy lace pattern- reminiscent of nature, NOT Boy Scouts, and not for my honey.

So, I decided to find other yarn for David. (Poor me, right? ;) I've been wanting to purchase some Lisa Souza yarn for a long time now. This was the moment. So, I have 2 skeins on order from her, which I'll report on when they arrive.

In other news, I picked up 231 stitches for the border on the Flowing River Shawl and knit a few rows. Unfortunately, I got stuck again on the border because the chart didn't make any sense with the increases. I (yet again) emailed the designer and found that it was a mistake. I've been very proud of myself each time I find that my confusion isn't my fault, and instead it's someone else's error. At the same time I'm getting annoyed with having to stop each time. But, the shawl is just so lovely -- it's worth it.

For anyone who might be knitting this shawl and is interested in the mistakes, the two I've found so far are for the border:

1) When you pick up stitches, you actually pick up 115 on each side and 1 in the middle, for a total of 231 stitches, rather than what it says- to pick up 116, then 1 center, then 115 for a total of 232.

2) The chart on the border, outside of the boxed area: After you knit your increases at the edges of the odd numbered rows, that increase should be allowed for on the even numbered rows. I don't know how to explain it really. But, for example, at the end of row 1, when you have increased outside of the boxed area, you will have increased to 3 stitches. Row 2 should show those 3 stitches, rather than the current 2 stitches.

Here's what the shawl is looking like nowadays- basically a pile of thread, because I can't open it up to show the detail.

You may have gathered that my "large-project energy" moved onto the shawl while I was getting the needles for the Simple Knitted Bodice. I now have the needles, so I hope to get to it again soon. At the moment though, the shawl is more enthralling. Here's a pic of how the body looks now with the picot hem edging.

I'm almost done with the second Barn Swallow sock. I'll post again when they're complete.

Today I'm spending some time resting after a terrible migraine last night. I feel pretty weak but hope to gather my strength today so that I can do some work tomorrow. I have a parent meeting to prepare for and I'll be registering for courses at Temple. I've decided to pass out of the intro to research course and move onto the Qualitative Research course, since I did take an intro course in my undergrad. I may be a bit rusty, but I think it'll be worth it.

Happy Easter everyone.

A wish for socks

2007-04-02T22:05:00.000-04:00

Today I was telling David about my excitement at my new yarn order. Since I bought so much yarn over Christmas I've been sticking to a yarn diet and haven't bought any since then. But, there are a few sock projects I've been wanting to start (namely a cabled sock and a lace sock) that I feel would look best with a solid yarn, rather than the variegated that I have. So, OF COURSE, I had to buy a couple skeins.

I think Cherry Tree Hill is my favorite sock yarn so far. As of now, I've tried Regia Silk, Opal Seide, Austermann Step, Sirdar Snuggly, Plymouth Encore, and Autumn House Farms besides the CTH. While I love a number of these and will continue to go for them when I have various yarn needs, I loved the feel of knitting with the CTH, and I love the way the finished sock feels. Squishy, thick enough, cool and yet warm, good stitch definition, and nice colors.

So, I bought some CTH in Nantucket Red and Loden. I found it on sale at Chez Casuelle, online.

As I was telling David about my excitement to get the yarn, he mentioned (ever so casually) that maybe, if there wasn't someone else I needed to knit for, and only if I wanted to, and only if I didn't have some other reason to knit, that he would really enjoy another pair of socks. :) Hee hee...this makes me happy. I'm glad he likes his socks. And I love knitting for him, because I know he feels the love I put into his socks. That feels very sweet.

Opening to the mystery

2007-04-01T16:17:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in a few weeks. I have wanted to a number of times, and then find that I'm not sure what to say. A lot has been happening, but somehow the moments happening are not "events" that I can bullet off. These experiences are more internal, which make it more difficult to describe in words. I have a hard time forming words during talks with David, let alone in a blog.

In my life I have prided myself on being on top of things. I'm organized, I remember details, I've got things covered. Lately I haven't been feeling that way. I feel "floating" and loose- less constrained.

The positives of this are that I feel more open. I'm less scared of the world. As a child I didn't have the strength to fend of the pain of the world, so I learned to tighten up and block it off. This was necessary and helpful for what it was, but it has served it's purpose. I'm strong enough now to deal with the world and open to it. And, I notice that people seem to feel that. Random people start talking to me-- the cashier at the grocers who never talked to me before started telling me about his high school and where he grew up; my acupuncturist told me about his family and what's happening for him at work; the auto mechanic started telling me about his worries over getting older when he wants to maintain his passion in car racing. These people never talked to me before, and honestly, I never wanted them to. I was afraid of those influences. Now I enjoy it. That's very cool.

The difficult parts of this are how new it feels. I have nothing to root myself to, since this experience has no model in my memory. I get worried that I'm not strong enough to handle it.

But, I am. I can feel it. A lot of shit has been happening lately and I'm taking it in stride. So much so that it kind of doesn't feel like shit. It just feels like stuff. It doesn't take me a whole week to recover because I'm not perceiving these issues as paramount the way I used to.

It's alittle scary to open to the world in this way. But, it's also rather exciting. Where will this world take me?

Off we go!!.....or not.

2007-04-01T16:06:00.000-04:00

The Simple Knitted Bodice likes to play with me. She tempts me with the excitement of her eventual and beautiful ending, only to halt me in my tracks. Luckily she fits really well- otherwise I might not have patience for these shenanigans.

I zoomed through the hip increases, excited to finish the body! And...bam. I forgot that I don't want to do the standard edge on the hem. I then spend another week figuring out what hem to put on.

Well, Friday I decided what hem to put on and knit it up on Saturday. It was the picot hem, for those of you who were wondering. Today, I just finished sewing the hem under. I was done with the body! Hurray! I put the first sleeve on the needles and....bam. I realized that I need double-pointed needles because the sleeves are too small for circulars. I have no size 4 DPNs. So, I now must wait to pick some up at the LYS.

Ah well, I suppose I should be celebrating this moment. I started the SKB last August- it's about time for atleast one PART of it to be done ;)

Routine during travel

2007-03-17T09:48:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Lorena for her comments on how she survives while traveling:

"....I got a laptop with three different ways to connect to the Internet, so that I can take care of email (and, uh, blog surfing) while on the go. I try to keep my routine as similar as I can; if I have time in the morning I have coffee and take care of email then like I do at home. Extras of all my usual toothpaste/toothbrush/shampoo things and keep them in a travel case all ready to go. And I got some of my favorite soap, and a plastic soap thing to carry it in. Makes me feel just a wee bit like I'm still home!..."

I really like the idea of keeping the traveling routine as similar as possible to one's normal routine. I had thought to get a laptop mainly so that I wouldn't have to deal with all the emails when I got back, but Lorena's comment made me realize that it's more than that. It's keeping a sense of normalcy, even when I'm away from what is most normal to me.

In the mornings I usually get up, start soaking my Chinese herbs to drink later, and then check my email. Since we have dial-up, I usually get ready for the day while things are loading. Then I eat breakfast and get going. I could keep a similar routine while traveling. In general, I like the idea of keeping the idea of "normal" in mind during my travel. Rather than completely changing things I could try to eat similar foods, try similar activities, etc. Not that I will always do that- I want to have some fun of course. But, that idea feels good.

Thanks Lorena :)

Two other bloggers I read recently spent over about a month and a half living halftime between the hospital and home in order to be with their newborn daughter while she became strong enough to come home with them. I noticed that although things were pretty crazy during that time, they did seem to develop a routine while they got through. Even little things, like always stopping at this particular Starbucks after being at the hospital, seems to make more of a difference than just caffeine-intake. I think it provides a mental and emotional grounding as well.

Routine is important - and is undervalued most of the time. Let's hear it for "the same old thing"! ;)

Knitting a top...why not?

2007-03-16T21:10:00.000-04:00

I had a great time today visiting with Silvia. We've had the pleasure of getting together every few weeks for a while now to knit and chat. It had been some time since we last got together, due to vacations and illness, etc., and it just felt fun to hang out and knit and laugh and talk. She seems like a more experienced knitter than I am, and I always learn a lot hanging out with her. Also, she is inspiring me to work on larger projects. She is very good about working on things like sweaters and tops- somehow, they always look great on her. So, I've been thinking about why I don't knit tops more:

1) I'm always afraid of knitting tops because I don't trust that they will actually fit. Socks feel safer. I think there is some reality in this issue. I dislike swatching 10 times in a row (as I did for the Simple Knitted Bodice. However, I don't think this should happen all the time- particularly now that I've learned how to wash my knits correctly.

2) I feel as though a top would be a huge project. Thus, the yarn and pattern and everything else must be chosen with absolute precision. If I'm going to dedicate that much time, it has to be JUST RIGHT! You know...when I think about how many stitches are in a pair of socks- with those tiny needles and thin yarn- and then think about the number of stitches in a top, I realize that it isn't necessarily a huge deal.

3) I'm in Florida. How am I going to wear any knitted tops? Well, this one is blown out of the water since I've been seeing with Silvia knits and also that there are a number of lovely short sleeved tops that are quite becoming. Lace. I like the lace.

So, I may start expanding my range of comfort beyond the sock. I will still knit socks. I like having one on hand for those "small, easy project" times. But, I'd like more variety I think. Don't hold me to this or anything...but I'm going to try to start something else after the SKB. Well, after the SKB and the shawl.

Hey, wanna see the SKB in progress? Sure you do :) I've been contemplating whether to stop the lace where it is (at 1 1/2" rather than the suggested 3"). So, I put it on holders and tried it on. Now that I see it on me, I think I do want maybe 1/2" of lace. What do you think? I don't want the lace to look like a huge block in the middle of my tummy (which was why I was going to stop originally). On the other hand, I want enough for it to make an effect. At this point I have done 4 repeats of lace. Should I do one more?

Simple Knitted Bodice and Barn Swallows

2007-03-09T18:03:00.000-05:00

My Simple Knitted Bodice enjoyment has returned. (Maybe it's the weather.) I haven't really worked on it since October, when it got cooler and I hit a block in what to do next. But, I'm back on the bandwagon again. On the flight to CT I separated the sleeves from the body. On the flight home I connected the halves of the front. This week I finally began the lace section, and I've now done 1 inch of lace.

I knit 4 inches in stockinette after I joined the front before I started the lace (instead of immediately starting the lace as suggested). Either I have a much longer torso than most people (I AM tall, so that may be it) or my bosom is much lower. I prefer the former ;)

Behold the progress:

I'm also working on these lovely socks from Autumn House Farm in the Barn Swallow colorway. I like this yarn. The colors are different for me, but very wholesome and rich. I'm just now working on the first sock's heel flap.

This week I'm enjoying the Florida weather. It's about this time of year when everyone up north begins to grumble about how long it's been cold and miserable. This is just the time when FL gets beautiful. I'll enjoy it on the porch while I can- until it gets too hot.

Back in the swing of things...

2007-03-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

I have finally admitted to myself that it always seems to take me atleast a week after any trip out of town before I feel capable of attending to anything in my home territory. It then seems to take me atleast another week before I am capable of attending to anything beyond the basic necessities of life. This is true for a trip of any length. (Note that it's now been two weeks since our trip to CT.)

David and I had a wonderful time at my mom's 60th birthday weekend. The party was great, and I really enjoyed being there with my mom and other family members. It was great to meet all my mom's friends and co-workers whom I hear about. I danced and laughed and made merry. Unfortunately I did get sick upon my return. My whole family was coming down with something, and my body was probably more susceptible to it than usual, given the climate change. When we left Gainesville it was 75-80 degrees. Got into CT around 11pm and BRRRrrrrrr!!!!

But, I'm now coming back to myself. I even managed to begin looking at taxes today- wow for me! :)

All of this has me seriously looking at ways that I can make returns from trips easier. I will be going to Ohio and Michigan for a week this summer, then the trips to Philadelphia for grad school 4 times a year. In general, I may be doing this travel stuff more often than usual. I can't be laid up for weeks at a time while I figure my way back into my routines. Particularly with a business, it's hard when I'm out of the loop for any length of time.

I tend to have a hard time with transitions and change. I like routine. The process of packing is always hard on me. The process of being gone and then coming back is hard. It will be even harder when I have to be away from David.

I've decided that I will purchase a laptop. This will make it easier to stay in touch with David while I'm gone. Also, it may decrease the anxiety I feel when I return home and find 89 emails waiting for me. I always feel overwhelmed by that and it adds to my feeling "out of it". If I could stay on top of computer stuff when I'm gone, that may be better. Of course, the laptop will be good for school as well.

Other ideas for ways to make travel easier: I'm thinking that I will try to purchase or "make" doubles of some things so I don't have to get shampoo, soap, etc. together for every trip. I've also typed up a list of basic things I always need on trips, so I can more efficiently pack without getting so worked up.

I'd love any ideas you all have for ways you make travel easier. How do you keep connected to your significant other? Are there systems you have for making the process of travel easier?

New (and old) Project Ideas

2007-02-21T21:07:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Sharon for the hat suggestion. The Hermione's Cable-and-Bobble Hat is great looking -- and very unique, I think. I'm not sure that it's quite the look I'm going for, but I'm always glad to see other ideas. I still haven't settled on something definitively at this point, but I'm seriously considering the Glaistig. Sharon pointed out that the Wavy Cable Lace Cap doesn't actually have cables in it. (Very tricky of them, I must say.)

Since Sunday night I have been kind of excited about this top I found online. Coincidentally, my finding it was ALSO a result of talking with Sharon. Our planets must be doing something similar or something (change that sentence to sound like I know something astute about astrology). She pointed me in the direction of a designer who knows something about hemp.

As a belated birthday present, my brother told me that he wants to get me 5 skeins of Mother Nature's Forest Collection. I can choose what colors or color I want. I still haven't decided on a pattern, thus I haven't decided what color(s) I want. This yarn is a hemp/wool blend, so I've been considering what patterns work well with it. Well, I've been looking through the website of this designer who does hemp patterns. I'm quite adoring of this Lacy Little Top.

I know what you're thinking:

How did you go from winter to summer so quickly? Um, I dunno.

Doesn't that look an awful lot like the Simple Knitted Bodice? Well, yes, I think it does. Either that sort of pattern looks really good on me, or I need to adjust my ideas of what does look good on me. I think my first plan of action is that I need to finish the SKB. As summer approaches, I find my interest in it is coming back.

In other news, David and I will be flying to Connecticut on Friday after David's class. He has a midterm until 4, and our flight leaves from Gainesville at 5pm. Wish us luck! My mom is turning 60 on Sunday and she's having a big birthday bash. Sounds like fun. We'll get back late Monday night and easily get right back into the swing of things Tuesday (my optimistic self says). I'm looking forward to time with family though. I think it'll be nice.

Shawl progress and completed socks

2007-02-19T17:58:00.001-05:00

Somehow I managed to finish Amy's socks and complete the center part of the shawl within the same 24 hour period. In a way, I feel very productive having done this, although I don't think I would haven't chosen it to be this way. I like starting something new when I still have an old friend to come back to at the same time. But, the result? Pictures!

So do you guys like seeing pictures? Cause I often find that I can't decide on what angle to show. I just want to show them all. I like to see pics on people's blogs, so I hope you do too. Is there a reason to limit pictures?

Anyway... So, I completed chart 3 on the Flowing River Shawl. I had taken about a week off from the shawl at one point since I got discouraged after a mishap. Happily though, I fixed it and progress continued.

(Yes, that's a Holiday Inn pen on top of the shawl- to give some scale to the pic. No endorsement of Holiday Inn is intended...although I did choose IT over a Travelodge pen...hmmmm.)

At the end of chart 3 you bind off and then pick up stitches along the bottom two edges of the triangle to make the border. I am now stuck at this point since I don't seem to quite understand the directions. I'm fairly new to this, so I probably have it confused. But, when I do the math for the directions, I come up with 1 fewer stitches than I'm supposed to get. I have emailed the designer and am hoping for some pointers to get me back on my feet.

Unfortunately, I committed a grave error at one point and glided over a crucial direction. I'm meant to bind off WITHOUT BREAKING YARN!!! Well, I read that, but then decided that Elizabeth Zimmerman's sewn bind-off would be perfect for the lace. Somehow I conveniently forgot (until I completed the bind-off) that the breaking-of-yarn required in that bind-off contradicts the no-breaking-of-yarn required. So, I'm not sure what I'll do now. Silk doesn't weave in easily. I don't want a knot in it either though. IDEAS ANYONE? Can I weave it in somehow after all?

For a short time however, I'm content to just enjoy the stage I'm at. It's fun to have it off the needles for a bit.

and...SOCKS! Prior to Christmas, my best friend Amy and I had a good conversation that helped us both relax. We agreed that we wouldn't stress to get each other Christmas presents by Christmas Day itself. This has felt very good, since I wanted to do something special for Amy, but knew I wouldn't have time before Christmas. Knitting these socks has been a joy; they helped me contemplate on her, our relationship, and aspects of the ways we relate. This colorway jumped out at me as THE socks for her, even though I didn't necessarily think of them as her colors. For reasons that are too complex to discuss on a blog, I have come to feel that this skein was, and is, the perfect yarn for her socks.

Happily, I present...Amy's socks.

Yarn: Cherry Tree Hill "Supersock", colorway "Northern Lights".

I used size 1 DPNS (except size 0 for the cuff, as I usually do nowadays).

I really like this yarn. As everyone says, it's very squishy and has strong stitch definition. These are solid socks, but still very soft. CTH impressed me and I will definitely be using them again. Since I've been knitting socks, I think I've had happy things to say about every brand I've tried. However, as I try more and more, I realize that some I had tried at the beginning aren't necessarily my favorite anymore. CTH showed me a quality in sock yarn that I like- the stitch definition and the solid, squishy feel. I didn't think I liked stitch definition, but I do. The sock itself feels like it holds up better somehow.

I balled up some Autumn House Farm yarn today. These will be for ME! I actually have no socks for myself at this point. I'm very excited. This yarn looks happy.

A knitter in Florida

2007-02-17T08:39:00.000-05:00

Since moving to Florida 1 1/2 years ago, I have had to come to terms with the season of summer. Not that I don't like summer- I do. I just also enjoy the other seasons as well. The other seasons, to me, help to define summer somehow.

This summer thing has really changed the way I see knitting too. Worsted weight was my good friend when I lived in the northeast. I now play with lace weight and fingering weight almost exclusively. Socks are my main project of choice because even in FL, you need socks.

But, the last couple months have actually been cool (as in "low in temperature"). I keep wanting to knit gloves, hats, sweaters, etc., and then stopping myself because I know this cool weather will end any day. I SHOULD be knitting on my Simple Knitted Bodice, which has long been sitting dormant- so that I'll have a nice top when the warm weather comes. But, I admit that there is something about the warm, cozy items that I crave. I find myself thinking that I probably will never end up knitting hats, sweaters, etc., since by the time I start wanting to knit them, it's summer again already.

HOWEVER... I just realized something!

I'm going to be going to Philadelphia! For 2 weeks in the fall and 2 weeks in the winter, over the course of 2 years, I will be in a cooler climate- even when it's summer in FL. That's 8 weeks of warm cozy knitted item wearing! How exciting.

So, now I'm inspired. I really could knit those things!

I'm craving a beautiful hat for the cool weather. Also, I've been interested in trying my hand at cables. What better way to try cables than on a smaller item, like a hat. I've been looking around but haven't found the right pattern yet. Any ideas? I'd like something pretty, but not too busy. The hats here , and here are on the right track, but I'm not sure yet. Other options?

Good news!

2007-02-16T07:07:00.000-05:00

This week, I can officially report that I have been accepted to Temple University for the Masters program! Hooray! I had some rather unofficial hints earlier (for which I was very grateful- I had been alittle obsessed over whether I got in or not), but this week I got the letter. I will say that the letter from the admissions department there was worded strangely; but the outcome was the same. I'm getting my Masters at Temple, starting in the fall.

This feels tremendous for me. First of all, I didn't decide I wanted to go for my Masters until the end of November (at Thanksgiving time). I pulled all this off in a month and a half. I'm very proud of myself. The essay, the transcripts, the letters of reference, the AUDITION, the trip to Philly, etc. It feels very good.

Secondly, my acceptance into this program means more to me than my acceptance into some other programs I've been involved in. I really wanted to get in of course, so that is a good part of the reason. But also, during my interview I really showed them a large part of who I am in a real way. Of course I did the "talk the talk" thing some, but then I opened myself. I essentially said, "this is who I am on a deeper level- I hurt, I cry, I want these things in my life, I have these passions, I am all these things... And, for the first time in quite a while I found these to be people who really saw who I was. They heard me and they listened. Sometimes you open yourself to someone on a deeper level, and they may not even notice or see that deeper place you were trying to share.

They saw me.

So, my worries were that maybe having seen me, they wouldn't want me in the program. However, I now find that they saw who I am on a deep level, and they really want me in the program, That means A LOT to me.

In other news, my cyst is better. Thanks for your well wishes. I'm still in pain during the day, but not the burning kind of pain, and not pain all the time. My acupuncturist gave me some trauma pills on Monday, and they really helped. I was able to work and do alright with it. I did have a moment when one of my clients was tantruming and banging his head against my chest when I thought I might pass out from the burn...but you know, on the whole, things are on the up and up ;)

And, the cyst is actually getting a bit smaller! It was softer before, but now I can tell that it feels shallower too. I think it may be starting to go away. I have to be careful about using the right side of my body still. I think that the cyst, over time, has become a part of the musculature of my chest. So, now that the cyst is softening it's affecting that side. It makes sense to me. In the long run, I'm ok with it because it is a positive step for me. I just need to be careful.

I will say that the cyst's departing is kind of sending me on an emotional roller coaster. For those of you who don't know, I normally don't eat any sugars- corn syrup down through juice sweetener. Well, I've put a hold on that. I need some crutch for helping with this emotional process of the cyst's dispersing. I've decided I'm ok with sugar being that for a short period of time. Plus, it's kind of fun to eat chocolate again ;)

So, that's the good news with school, and the news that's hard in the short-term, but good overall, with my cyst.

Health connections

2007-02-11T20:51:00.000-05:00

Around 7 years ago, I had a sebaceous cyst develop on my chest. For those of you who don't know, they basically resemble a lump under the skin. I'm pretty sure that its development had something to do with a difficult relationship I was having at the time with my first boyfriend. I have a sense that it developed as a way to protect my heart from pain. It's hard to separate physical from emotional expressions, and those two are very tied together with this cyst. When it first came I did the doctor thing and made sure it wasn't breast cancer or anything. They said it was just a cyst-- they could take it out for me, or leave it. I left it. Since then, it has gotten slowly larger.

As some of you know, I spend a lot of time focusing on improving my health. Eating the right foods, getting regular acupuncture treatments, fixing Chinese herbal things, etc. Well, as I've been doing those things over the last year, my energy has slowly but surely improved. It's really great- I can do things I always wanted to do before, but couldn't because I got too tired. However, as my energy has increased, it's also been getting a bit stuck. Since David's been in school for Oriental Medicine, I've become accustomed to speaking in that terminology. It's hard to translate it into western terms. But, the basic idea is that my body hasn't been used to this energy and now that it's here, it doesn't know what to do with it. So, the energy is getting plugged up in areas of my body.

This is a positive thing, but has been causing me some issues. The main area of late has been in this cyst. I have a sense that energy is now available to help me move this cyst- and, perhaps more importantly, help me handle the emotions that caused the cyst in the first place. Three weeks ago the cyst became very tender and easily injured- causing some pain. So, my treatment has shifted some away from developing energy exclusively to really focus on eliminating the cyst through herbs. I don't want to get it cut out with surgery, because I don't think that would effect the root issues around the cyst, and I don't want to take away my "shield" too quickly. Since the cyst has become tender I've been particularly aware of how emotional I feel around it.

So, every day I'm boiling up herbs to drink, and every night I'm putting a poultice on the cyst and covering it with gauze and tape. After less than a week of doing this the cyst softened (for the first time in 7 years). Incredible! So, I feel this is really doing something. The only problem is that as it's healing it's become even more tender.

Yesterday David and I went canoeing in Cedar Key, FL. We met my aunt and boated out into the Gulf to an island off the coast. She kayaked, we canoed. It was lovely, however on the way back the wind picked up. It was kind of dangerous- we were exhausted. At some points the canoe just went backwards, no matter how much we rowed. A third of the way back I could feel my chest burning. Not a good thing. There wasn't anything to do but keep working though, because we had to get back. We did make it back, although David and I were both the worse for wear.

Last night I couldn't sleep because I kept waking up with a searing pain in my chest and this morning I've found I really can't use my right arm or my cyst will burn again. I can't pick things up, can't pull things out...and I can't knit! *gasp!* I was going to go to the knitting group today but couldn't do it-- :(

So, although this kind of sucks at the moment, I'm hopeful about this. I know the herbs I'm taking are making a difference, I just have to stop injuring it. I've been very impressed by all that David is able to help me with as a result of what he learns at school. He's so good at what he does and I'm very lucky to have his skill available to me.

Hey...could I make a plug for those of you in Gainesville? If any one's interested, his school has a low-cost student clinic in Chinese Medicine. It's fully supervised, and the students (like David) are very good. He'll be starting in May in the clinic. Dragon Rises College of Oriental Medicine. If you're interested in treatments, let me know- I'll get you the info.

Money-saving sunshine

2007-02-11T18:16:00.000-05:00

Well I'm pleased as punch with my clothes drying escapades today. For Christmas I had asked my dad for a clothesline (yes, a clothesline- whatever floats your boat, right?). I figured this was something dad could get that didn't require a yarn store or online purchase, and he really knew what he was doing. Apparently the guy at the hardware store couldn't get over the fact that his daughter had asked for a clothesline for Christmas. Well, Dad got exactly what we needed and last weekend I finally put it up. I was waiting for the right day to use it. Today was such a day.

I was surprised to find how much I enjoyed the process of hanging clothes. I expected it to be work. Well, it was work, but it felt somehow refreshing to be out in the sun, hanging clothes on a crisp, beautiful day. I was using one arm (more on that later), but managed it semi-gracefully (atleast no one was watching).

This is all part of my new efforts to save money in little ways around the house. Since I expect to be getting my Masters in the fall, I will be cutting down on my work a bit and in general, we both want to be spending less. I have no idea how much it saved us to not use the dryer (anyone know?), but it feels good. Also, the dryer is awfully noisy-- not today! :)

Phooey!

2007-02-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

After my post about knitting, I decided to calmly and confidently move into spinning again and start a new bobbin.

I had a good 5-10 minutes where I felt like I was finally getting good at this. Sunday David and I went to the Hoggetowne Medieval Faire, here in Gainesville. While there I spotted a woman drop spindling and got talking to her. I told her my main issue which has been that I get spinning, and then I end up with a big blob of wool in my left hand (non-drafting hand), which I then can't pull wool out of anymore- it kind of gets knotted up. She told me I was spinning too fast.

She was right.

I tried slowing down and really focusing on my drafting. It was much better. Enter 5 minutes of happy spinning and confidence boosting.

I was getting a very nice thickness of yarn- just right. Then at one point I thinned out too much and the yarn broke off. No biggie, right? Well, the problem became that I couldn't find the other end. It disappeared into the bobbin! So, I started pulling out other strands and it just became a big mess.

I don't know where to go from here. How do I pick back up if I can't find the end? I don't want to waste the wool I DID spin by throwing it out to start over. *sigh*

Any ideas?

The next installment: Flowing River Shawl and CTH sock

2007-02-06T12:14:00.000-05:00

I've completed the 2nd chart for the flowing river shawl, and my adoration continues. This is really my first time knitting something lacy and complex that doesn't repeat much. It continues to inspire me with the surprises in each row. "Hey! those K2tog stitches made THAT! Cool!" I also really like the silk lace- so light and airy, but still soft.

I've also been continuing on the Cherry Tree Hill socks- both because I need to get out this late Christmas gift, and also as a way to balance out the complexity of the shawl with the simplicity of the socks.

I really like this yarn. It's squishy and soft, and nice and round. It feels like there's something to this yarn. The Trekking, while lovely, was still kind of thin for me, I think. Also, talk about surprises- I really didn't expect this yarn to stripe at all. Now I find that this "supersock" is striping in a way I've never seen before- subtle, but still lovely. I like it. The colorway is Northern Lights.

The colors in the pictures just aren't working for me, so I'm gonna post 2.

This picture is darker than the true colors of the sock, but shows the depth of the reds better.

This picture shows the purples better.

Combine the two pictures, and you have a very unusual, but enjoyable colorway- one that's growing on me with every row.

I'm in love

2007-01-29T20:38:00.000-05:00

I started the Flowing River Shawl this week and I'm totally in love with it. This is my first shawl, and my first time reading off a chart. I admit that it's been a bit of a challenge, but one I'm enjoying. I'm just incredulous when this random combination of stitches ends up looking like a flower. WOW! Fun.

Just finished with chart 1. I'm using Claudia's Handpainted silk.

Meet Margaret... (and other spinning ventures)

2007-01-29T20:13:00.000-05:00

...The long awaited spinning wheel! I've actually begun to get the hang of it. I admit that I still don't trust that I'm actually making yarn that I could actually USE- partly because the idea is just so astonishing, but also partly because, well, the yarn doesn't always work out the way I'm meaning it to when I spin. But, for the most part? Very cool. Margaret and I are getting to know one another slowly, but very surely- a lovely friendship is developing.

Wanna meet her?

The Majacraft Little Gem is portable (10 lbs), a double treadle (so I don't kill only one of my legs pedaling), made in New Zealand, comes with a lazy kate and 3 bobbins, and...um, um...what else am I supposed to say about her? Well, she's just beautiful. When I opened her up (she comes with a carry case) the first thing I saw was a bobbin. I promptly burst into tears since I realized what it was, and I could feel the love from my mom and dad in this gift. Once I collected myself, I began to take the actual body out and burst into tears again- seeing the beauty of her wood. I never imagined I would have a beautiful wood spinning wheel so soon. I'm so grateful.

And, she fits perfectly in this small space in the living room, next to the wood chest David's friend made us. I would say that the streamer you see in this picture has since been taken down from David's birthday, but I would be lying- I'm so bad about taking down decorations.

I've been spinning some green (they call it "peridot") Corriedale that my mom had given me for my birthday in September. Very soft and yummy (from Copper Moose).

Actually, on a side topic, I've been spinning that same roving using my drop spindle. I'm very happily getting almost lace weight, which pleases me greatly.

This is a whole new relationship with my fiber. I like it.

Receiving what I open to

2007-01-25T16:55:00.000-05:00

I have always believed that life will offer an individual what they open themselves to. The emphasis of this belief is slightly different than receiving what you ask for, although similar. In my early years of college I didn't find the perfect boyfriend-- even though I certainly asked for it frequently ;) I didn't find the perfect partner until I made a shift in myself. The process of developing a new space inside oneself and nurturing it with honesty to oneself and openness is what brings that new desire. Although sometimes it's appropriate to take some external steps to get what you want, often it's simply that internal shift that brings about change.

I have always had this core belief, but it wasn't until I started my own business that the truth in it became most clear to me. For some reason, the processes involved in owning my own business make everything very clear. When I open to something, the very next week I get it. I'm sure this happens in the rest of my life, but I haven't been able to see it as clearly as in my work.

When we first came to Gainesville, I spent the first 2 months working hard to develop my business. I expected it would take time, but I got frustrated when I still hadn't gotten any calls after a few months. One Friday afternoon I became so frustrated and upset that I began crying and realizing how angry I was. I took a bath and just tried to crystallize what I wanted in my mind. I literally yelled "I want a family to call me with a 4-6 year old child who wants me to work with them right now!" Then I calmed down and settled in to watch a movie. Two hours later my business phone rang for the first time- it was the mother of a 4-year-old boy who wanted my services and wanted to get started ASAP. I still have that client and they started my journey into this business.

Since then, I find that there will be times when I haven't gotten any new calls for new clients. These are times when I actually don't WANT any new clients since I'm too booked. Then, that feeling will change and I'll realize I'd like more work. I'll talk to David and say, "I wouldn't mind having 2-3 more clients now. Maybe I'll advertise next week." The next few days I almost always get 3-4 calls from families who want me- before doing any advertising at all.

Well, the experience of going to Temple has been another opening time. I have been considering cutting back a bit on my days of work so that I can focus on a fuller school load if (when?) I get accepted. In the last week 3-4 clients, for various reasons have decided to terminate therapy soon- for good reasons, not bad. It feels good- interesting enough, I've also gotten about 6-8 new inquiries at the same time. This means that I will have some newness in my work (which I was wanting) and I'll still be able to cut down on my days some (which I was wanting). I'm just flabbergasted. I haven't gotten any new calls for a few months- and now they all call or email in one week. All of this simply because I shifted something inside myself and made what I really want more clear to myself.

We are very powerful individuals, if we allow ourselves to be. Good for me to remember.

Spoiled

2007-01-17T20:31:00.000-05:00

Boy am I spoiled. Over the last month I've had the opportunity to yarn shop in 2 different metropolitan areas. And, did I ever go for it! I think being in Gainesville with such a limited selection makes these little sojourns do strange things to me. I never thought I'd be like this, but even when I didn't know what I'd do with a paricular skein, I just had to have it. The inspirational value of my yarn stash has increased greatly.

In the Los Angeles area I went to four shops. I chose which ones to go to based on reviews I read online. In all the shops I went to I was impressed by the sense of community I felt there. Well- most of the shops. I'd walk in and feel as though I could just sit down and knit with these people- comfortably. There were always groups of people sitting together and working on projects. One shop even invited me to stay for their holiday party that evening (they were setting out cookies, etc.). There was a sense of these shops as a community center. That felt so very nourishing.

Day 1 found me at Unwind and Stitch Cafe. At Unwind I bought a skein of gorgeous Rio De La Plata handspun, kettle dyed in "faded red brick". I bought this yarn for my brother's girlfriend, along with a knitting magazine- to encourage her in her knitting. I got home and realized I couldn't part with it (sorry Lea). I made peace with this by buying a more expensive skein the next day that I thought I could give away. At Stitch Cafe I adored their selection of malabrigo. The colors are magnificent. I'm thinking of felting a bag with it and the Rio De La Plata. Sharon and Lorena from SnB have felted some lovely totes and I'm jealous.

(Malabrigo with Rio de la Plata in "faded red brick" on the right)

Day 2 of the yarn crawl took us to the coast. We drove over an hour to get to these shops specifically because I had seen that they both carried "Socks That Rock". At the first shop, Wild Fiber, I found lots of beautiful yarn, but also found that they had sold out of the STR. I was very disappointed, but pleased with my other purchases. Also, I later realized that this was the shop that the "Knit 2 Together" authors own. And, I didn't know it at the time, but Mel Clark helped me with some yarn choices and took my money. So, that's my claim to fame- I shopped there.

Then, although we were running late to meet David's friend for dinner, David helped me race across town to the other shop, A Mano Yarn Center, where I was lucky to find a small stash of STR. (What a husband.) I took the 2 STR that I had any interest in. So, success. The feeling of this shop was one of the nicest among the shops. Not that the other shops weren't nice- they were. Just that somehow, although very small, it felt filled with good things and good energy.

(Left to right: Cherry Tree Hill "North Country Cotton Mini" in "Indian Summer", Cherry Tree Hill " North Country Cotton Mini" in "Tropical Storm", 2 Lorna's Laces "Shepherd Sock" 702 Fresh Stripe, Socks That Rock lightweight "Velvet Moon", and Socks That Rock lightweight in "Alina".

On that trip I also got Cherry Tree Hill "Supersock" in "Northern Lights", which I've been working on for my best friend Amy:

I really like the feel of this yarn. Squishy, sturdy, soft, bright- good stuff. It feels good on my fingers.

So, now we have gotten past the Christmas purchases and on to Philadelphia...

It occurred to me when I was shopping for yarn this day how much my mood affects my purchases. Rosie's Yarn Cellar had a wonderful selection of handdyed yarns. I was stunned by the choices of beautiful colors- bright or subdued, natural or not, etc. However, I found myself choosing rather earthy, calming colors. In Los Angeles, I craved bright, deep colors. I thought that was my nature. But rather, I think it had to do with what I "needed" there. I wanted that depth. In Philly, I had just auditioned and had a whirlwind time walking around the city. I needed calm- and I found it in this yarn. They had so many bright gorgeous colors, but somehow it didn't feel right to get them. I loved this shop, and will definitely be going back if I'm accepted at Temple. I even started a "frequent buyer" card.

On the top we have Autumn House Farm's Herdwick Fine merino superwash, in colorway "Barn Swallow". I adore this colorway, even though it's quite different from what I usually go for. In the middle, also from Autumn House Farm, we have a Stideaway Fine 100% wool in colorway "Bracken". Both of these yarns are very soft.

On the bottom you see the major spender of the day. I plunged and got the 100% silk lace from Claudia's Hand Painted Yarns in "Blue Sky" for the Lace Shawl KAL. I'm happily looking forward to starting this, as soon as one or both of my current projects are completed.

In Philadelphia, I also went to Loop, and *gasp* didn't get anything. I don't know if it was just because it was the end of the day and I was tired, or what, but I didn't really get into this shop. I felt like I had just been at a mom and pop's at Rosie's and at Loop I walked into Bloomingdale's. Maybe that's exaggerating, but I felt that way nonetheless. It was a nice place though. Just not my thing at that point.

So, those are my recent yarn acquisitions. Soon I'll share the spinning and accessory items I'm enjoying as well. S-P-O-I-L-E-D ....yay!

I've been knitting...

2007-01-16T18:11:00.000-05:00

Although the audition, presentation, etc. took over most of my thoughts over the past few months I was still knitting. And, now I have some proof. One of my projects is still secret, since it isn't done yet. But, happily I have some FOs to show off finally, now that Christmas has past. (The post on my mom's lace socks have been returned to the public eye as well- from back in October.

Now, for the show:

*Start sultry music* *Melodious microphone voice* First we have Abigail, or rather Abigail's legs, showing off a lovely pair of socks. An example of how a basic cuff down sock recipe can create visually exciting and impressive socks when using the right yarn. Opal does it again with their silk ("seide") yarn. 30% Silk and 70% Wool makes for a yarn that initially was unpleasant to work with, but seemed to become more relaxed with time.

*Young knitter sits in front of blank background for a person-to-person interview* It really didn't feel soft at all. Honestly, I still wouldn't call it soft, but it's not scratchy the way I originally thought it was. I expected something different from a part-silk yarn, when I ordered it online. Still, I really like the way the colors worked up. Really like. The colors are deeper than they look in the picture, and make a cool pattern. I used size US1 DPNS.

Opal Silk, color 1359 -- sure to please your brother -- and get a response from his girlfriend that every knitter will appreciate, given that your brother is a landscaper. "You are NOT wearing those to work!"

Ok, the runway-post-style is getting to me. I'll stop.

My most recent FO was for the Stitch n' Bitch secret santa. I drew Steff as my giftee (somehow I knew I would, and was glad). I spent way too much time looking for the right yarn for her, but the result worked, I think. These socks were possibly my most intricate project yet, and took quite a while. I don't know why these lace socks (size 11) took longer than my mom's lace socks (size 11 1/2), but they did. I hope you'll indulge me, as I have a lot to show.

Yarn: Trekking XXL 104 Ombre (I liked the yarn. It was soft, and the colors were pretty in that they very slowly change shade- sometimes into colors I normally wouldn't think of going with the color scheme, but somehow work.)

Needles: Knitpicks Options DPNS US1 (first time using them. I like them, but they are much heavier than my usual bamboo. It felt really good to slide the yarn on and off. It felt luxurious. It just took some time to get used to the weight. That effect improved once I had knit more than an inch or so.

Pattern: "Chevron" from Charlene Schurch's book: Sensational Knitted Socks. pg. 71

I was stunned by the effect of this particular pattern with this particular yarn. I wanted to knit lace, and I wanted a self-striping yarn. The two don't often work well together, but this did. I love it. Of course, Charlene Schurch made this pattern specifically for self-striping yarn, but I didn't believe her until I saw it.

I admit that I had a long moment of serious consideration over the sanity of this pattern when I got to the heel. I was excited about this heel, which she calls the "forethought" heel. I'm always perturbed that when you knit with self-striping, the heel never really works into the color changes. This heel takes that into account, and is intended to result in concentric circles of color for the heel. I didn't believe her at this point:

(My first ever provisional cast-on)

What the heck?!!

However, the genius of it made itself known after some head scratching and plugging ahead.

The result of the heel:

And, the happy size 11 socks: (Steff, how many times have you wished you had smaller feet since becoming a knitter? ;)

I did it!

2007-01-14T21:09:00.000-05:00

I'm back from Philadelphia, and man -- what a feeling! I don't know where to begin. Well, I'll start with Friday I suppose...

In the wee hours of Friday morning I got up while David was sleeping to decorate the living room with birthday decorations, etc. I was quite pleased with the effect. It didn't feel good to know that I would be leaving on his birthday, and I wanted the house to feel special and celebratory, even if I couldn't be there. That went over well, happily. (Happy Birthday, Honey.) David has been so supportive over the last few weeks as my stress level has steadily increased. It makes such a difference. I hope things can even out a bit more now though.

So then I finished packing everything up for the next few days and went to give a presentation in town. It's hard to talk about some of this on this blog, since I don't like to name what I do (lest someone search for my business name, etc.) but basicallyI gave an introductory talk about what I do in town, for a group of people who may want to refer people to me. It went very well. They seemed genuinely excited and intrigued by my presentation, and wanted my information. Of course I like the idea of referrals, but the main aspect of it that felt touching was knowing that I made a difference that morning. I like spreading the word about what I do, and they seemed to "get it" and be inspired. That feels good.

After the talk... off to Philadelphia! I felt so impressed by my public transportation abilities on this trip. I've never been to Philly before (well, not as an adult anyway), and I haven't spent a lot of time in any urban area. However, during the trip I managed my way on the regional rail from the airport to the hotel, walked around Center City a good bit (perhaps too much, if the current status of my hip is any indication), and took the city bus a number of times as well. I did have a few scary situations come up that reminded me of my status as a young woman alone in a city at night, but I was able to handle it. My hotel felt good to me, and I now find that the hotel actually is only a couple blocks from where the classes I would take would be held, if I am accepted. I feel oriented to that area, so that feels empowering. Center City is a cool area.

And I'm realizing that I'm putting off talking about the interview itself. It felt very very good. It had a quality to it that I'm finding hard to put into words. The audition (playing my pieces) went well, I felt. I did smudge up one of my pieces, but I managed to keep going through it. The other I felt very positive about. Musically, I felt strong and that I gave my best.

After I played we began the interview. I interviewed with three of the four professors there - the fourth is on sabattical this year (Doug, I think you'll know who I'm talking about). I know one of them on a somewhat casual level, since he's friends with my mentor -- he winked at me a few times, which was nice ;)

And still I'm not talking about the heart of it. With the stress of the last few weeks, I had begun to feel pretty run down before this trip. I was beginning to wonder why I was even going. Basically I was burned out. The minute I was in that room with those people, I felt a strong sense of the fullness of what this program could offer me, and what being a part of this community would mean to me. These people saw me. These people understood my process. They even saw that I am burned out- even when I hadn't really named that or accepted it myself. I presented myself with as much honesty and integrity as I could, and I felt honored by the response given by them.

Halfway through the interview, one of the professors took a step back from the "interview" question and answer format. With a sense of truth and honesty behind her words she asked me what I really truly want- not as an applicant, but as a person. I said, "I want to feel connected to something." The sharing that came as a result of that question and my answer renewed something in me that has been fading lately. Someone saw who I was and valued that person. What a gift.

Towards the end of my time in room 327, the director of the program asked me if I had any questions for them. Taking a breath I replied, "Honestly, any questions I might have had have been answered by the questions you have asked me." We laughed, andI felt a connection in that laughter that felt very good.

And so now I struggle with how much I want to be accepted to this program. To want it means that it would hurt to not be accepted. I have felt how renewed and inspired I was to have spent 45 minutes with these people. I'm excited to think what being in the program could offer me, and the person I would continue to grow into.

I think I have a lot to offer their program as well-- I hope they agree.

A quickie to cover a lot

2006-12-29T08:27:00.000-05:00

I'm back! And truly, while I was gone, I had visions of returning to write a few long posts with beautiful pictures about all the great things that happened during this trip. But, it ain't gonna happen. Upon returning, the reality of all I need to do before January 12th hit me, and I'm trying to prioritize. January 12th I give a professional presentation in town, and I also fly to Philly for my audition. I'm also putting materials together for another presentation I give in June where participants receive CEUs to attend. I find out last minute that the org needs the info NOW. Thanks for telling me.

So, I'll need to wait until later in January to truly post about everything.

However, I can't not tell you about a few things. In LA, I visited FOUR yarn stores- terrific places that inspired and brought many smiles to my face. In return I inspired them with the money I spent, which in turn brought smiles to THEIR faces. Lots of yummy yarn. I keep taking it out to fondle. Also, I got a beautiful Bosworth drop spindle from my mil, which I had asked for. It's perfect.

I don't know how to begin to describe how touched, awed, and amazed I am by the gift I did not expect. My mom and dad went in together and bought me a beautiful spinning wheel. A brand new Majacraft Little Gem. It's portable- comes with a carry case and weighs 10 lbs. My heart feels so nurtured by this gift. After opening it in CT, I UPSed it home to FL. It hasn't arrived yet, but I can't wait.

That's the quick news. Good stuff. I may not post again for awhile. Happy New Year everyone.

Craziness

2006-12-11T08:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been feeling rather crazy and stressed out lately. This week I sent out my application for grad school. *Applause*, "thank you very much." I hadn't realized how much it means to me to be accepted until the mailman was weighing the package and it was about to be sent. I happened to get the humorless, macho, business-like mailman. But, still, with a smile I asked, "Would you send some good energy with this package?" He looked at me deadpan and said, "ok". I don't think he had any idea what that meant, but I took it as reassurance.

I spent some serious time on the essay (as well I should have). In addition to the essay, I am lucky to be the protege of some well-known members of my profession. I believe their references will help me a good deal.

Now all that is left is to fly out to Philadephia for my interview and audition on January 13th. I could have sent in an audiotaped audition, but I feel strongly that I would like to go there and be met. So, that's what I'll do. I'm working hard to get my piano skills up to chops for the audition. I play everyday in my work, but not classically. In some ways, the skills feel different. So, I'm working on finding a teacher who can help me with some of the technical parts of my pieces.

Also, the day I leave for the audition I will be giving a presentation to one of the professional groups in town about what I do. So, I'm working on that. It ALSO happens to be David's birthday. Feels crazy.

This Sunday David and I leave for Los Angeles, where we'll spend time with my in-laws. We then fly to CT on Friday to spend Christmas with my family. We return the following Wednesday. I'm looking forward to seeing my family, however, having the trip in the midst of everything else is feeling hard -- not to mention the usual issues with visiting in-laws.

Am I complaining? Well, yes I guess I am. I have been feeling myself entering a new stage lately. I feel more open to life and more open to happiness around me. This feels good. This feels positive. But, at the same time I notice that I have more difficulty handling superficiality, pretending, not being myself. I know that I will need to do those things during this trip. So, I feel positive about where I am in my own development. But, sometimes (like now) it makes interacting with the world a bit harder.

I do want to see how I relate to the world. I just wish there were more places for me to relate to the world and be ME. I don't know how many regular relationships I have where I can do that during the week. I'm very grateful for David.

So, I HAVE been knitting. REALLY! Not as much as I'd like, but I have been. Unfortunately, most of my knitting is -secret- *shhh!* You'll hear about some of it after Christmas. I did finish another pair of socks that I'll show you sometime. Hopefully before we leave for LA.

A New Stage

2006-11-22T18:10:00.000-05:00

I'm back from the conference. I got back late Sunday night and have spent the last few days resting (somehow I seem to have caught a cold), remembering what it's like to be home (snuggling with husband :), and... preparing my application materials to get my Masters from Temple University.

Masters?! You may be asking where that came from. To some extent, I'm asking too. But, this feels very right. In the week before the conference, I was considering it. But, going to the conference really clarified it. I feel that being in an atmosphere of learning, exchanging ideas with others, and forming relationship with others who are broadening their work will add an element that I've been sorely lacking here in Gainesville. Happily, this program is long-distance, so while I will need to fly to Philly twice a semester, I can do this while we're here in Gainesville.

So, the conference was good. I was able to connect with people in a way that I'm unable to in Gainesville, simply because I don't have any local colleagues. That experience showed me a lot about what I need in my life, and what I need to do to be more satisfied professionally.

I didn't get a whole lot of knitting done. These conferences go at light-speed and I rarely have time to sleep, let alone knit. However, I did knit a fair amount on the plane. I had some nice comments from people sitting near me, which is always fun.

Cool needle

2006-11-14T19:51:00.000-05:00

In the process of packing my knitting supplies, I came across a pair of really cool needles. My Aunt Julie made me a needle case a number of years ago (before I was really addicted). In the case, she passed along some old needles for me as well. One pair stuck out the top with the number "9" on them. I NEVER believed them. They were way too thin to be size 9s. However, when I took them out, I found that the tips are size 9s, and then they taper (almost like circular needles, except no join. I didn't expect this, but was interested to find that this actually helps the knitting process. I don't have to keep pulling the completed knitting on the right side in order to make more room for the new knitting. It naturally moved by itself. Cool! The needles say they are called "Inox". Heard of em?

The comfort of knitting

2006-11-14T19:11:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling pretty tired today. I've been working hard job-wise, and also preparing for my trip this weekend. I leave for Kansas City early Thursday morning and get back in the wee hours Sunday night. Happily, I'll be seeing some friends there at a professional conference. I mostly go to these conferences to see colleagues from up north who inspire me in my work. I'm expectantly awaiting some good-feelin' inspiration and connection with other professionals.

I've hardly knit at all this week, which is pretty surprising. Whenever I think of knitting, I get very mental about what projects I'm bringing on the plane, what I should check, how much yarn I need, etc.

And then I ask myself WHY in the world I'm stressing myself out about my knitting. I think the reason is that when I travel, I have difficulty feeling any sense of control about my environment. I have a fairly strict diet and can't find the food I need. I'm chemically sensitive and have reactions to my hotel room. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, but he's not with me :( And so, all in all, even if the trip itself is truly wonderful (and I expect it to be rewarding, don't get me wrong), I still feel the need to grasp for comfort.

Knitting = Comfort

I feel the need to have the perfect knitting for my trip as an attempt to provide the comfort, security, and normalization that I crave on these trips. Maybe those beautiful colors will provide a sense of warmth under the airport's florescent lighting. Maybe the texture of that bamboo yarn will soothe my nerves. Maybe that fuzzy wool will calm my digestion.

So, I'll be bringing my Simple Knitted Bodice, a half-finished Opal sock, a surprise sock, another surprise gift, and some extra sock yarn (just in case). That should hold me... If not, I can take a cab half an hour to the yarn store in town (yes, I looked it up).

In the meantime, here is a picture of the gorgeous...GORGEOUS handspun yarn Steff gave me (she did the spinning and Navajo-plied it). I'm so touched by the gift, and am lucky to be able to look at this yarn each day. Thanks Steff.

Where've I been?

2006-11-12T21:33:00.000-05:00

I saw this on someone's blog and thought it would be fun to check out. I decided not to fill in states that I've driven through but have no real memory or experience from. For example, I've been in an Alaska airport a few times on our way back and forth to Taiwan, but that doesn't count. I've driven through Louisiana, etc., but again- no real memory. But, I'm fairly well pleased with my national travel on the whole.

David and have done a lot of traveling in the last 5 years. That was a big goal of mine as a teenager. Before we moved to Gainesville, the longest we lived in one place was 10 months. Being in Gainesville for almost 15 months now is a biggie. It's a different experience to be in one place for more than one passing of seasons. I'm settling into things in a way that I never could have with our prior pattern. Now if we could just keep up on throwing away our junk regularly the way we used to...

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Possible Shawl

2006-10-29T20:42:00.000-05:00

Today Linda brought her mass pile of shawl patterns to the SnB. I looked through each one and found a beauty. I'm not certain yet, but I'm thinking this may be THE shawl. In January, the women in our SnB are having a shawl KAL. So, I've been looking for the perfect shawl pattern to join in with.

I really like this idea, since it gives me something to look forward to knitting- just for me. So this is my first real possibility: Goddess Knits' Flowing River Shawl. This picture of it doesn't do it justice, but it's the only one I can find online. I don't know why this company displays it in colors where you can't see the definition, but you get the idea.

Simple Knitted Bodice

2006-10-28T21:17:00.000-04:00

I have been plugging away on my Simple Knitted Bodice, by Stitch Diva Studios. I've been rooting for this sweater since before it was released, but it seems to be taking quite awhile to get into. Well, I'm finally at the first trying on point. I moved the bodice onto Knitpicks' Options cables and on it went. By the way, I can't tell you how cool those cables are. I'm very impressed. I really didn't want to transfer the stitches onto yarn.

The yarn is Madil Eden 100% bamboo, and it is so lovely. It's been a bit of a pain with swatching because it shrank each time in the wash, but that's it's nature, so who can blame it (besides me, after swatching 1 1/2 months, but who's bitter?) This yarn is soft and drapes beautifully. I like the way it feels against my fingers as I work with my bamboo needles. It does split a bit, but I've gotten used to that.

So I admit that I'm not positive where to go from here. I'm not sure how it's supposed to fit me at this point. Lorena? Silvia? Thoughts? It obviously fits around my arms and body, but it seems to me as though the darts should reach further under my arms at this point. It also seems that if I tried to move my arms out, I wouldn't have much room. I'd like the "V" to be lower as well, but don't want to make the body too wide. And, I'm tall, so it may need to be a bit longer. So my dilemna is that I agree with Lorena and Silvia that many of the pics I see of this sweater are too big and I don't want that. But, maybe I should keep up with the increases for another round or so. Are the darts supposed to meet under my arms at this point?

Eventually I think I will use a size 0 needle for the lace. Silvia affirmed my feeling that knitting it tighter would be better than looser, since most of the FOs come out a bit looser than I'd like.

In other knitting news, I finally taught myself the long-tail cast-on. As a child I learned a certain cast-on method which was dubbed by the SnB women as "the old lady cast-on". I couldn't have that. So, I've been learning other types. I since learned my method is actually called the "half hitch cast-on". SEEEEeee!? It really DOES have a name.

Unfortunately, the long-tail cast-on aggravated my thumb a bit and I wasn't able to knit for a couple days. (To be honest, the thumb problem probably had more to do with throwing children around in circles at work.) I realized during those couple days how dramatic it felt not to knit. It was very hard. But, I got some help from my acupuncturist yesterday, and now I'm happily knitting again.

Back to my knitting now...

Welcome Mom!

2006-10-28T20:59:00.000-04:00

When I started this blog, I decided that I wasn't going to share it with any family members- that way I would be able to post about the gifts I was making for them and still be able to surprise them.

However, my plan forgot one thing: I can't stand not to share things with my mom.

After a few weeks of describing to her how much I'm enjoying the blog, talking about it in detail, etc. , I have decided this is ridiculous. I need to share this with my mother. So, I'm gonna.

What this means is that a certain post from last week has been deleted. If anyone wants any of the details from that post (like Silvia (thanks for your sweet comments, btw!)), let me know.

BTW, my mother is very creative. She doesn't knit, but she makes a mean pumpkin santa.

I love you mom.

Inspired

2006-10-25T19:25:00.000-04:00

Various events and subtleties over the last week have resulted in a feeling of great inspiration in my knitting. The following are in absolutely no chronological order: (actually, they could be reverse order)

1) Reading Yarn Harlot's newest entry touched me and awoke a feeling of intangible mystery and awe in me. Her wedding shawl is beyond words. The beauty of it leads me to wonder what I could create if I really tried.

2) At Sunday's SnB, Steff loaned me Shannon Okey's "Spin to Knit". Since then, I've taken new steps in my spinning. I had filled up my drop spindle with my first handspun, and it was getting to the point where I was running out of room on the spindle.

The yarn from my first few hours of spinning is, of course, fairly large. But towards the end it's fairly consistent and thin. I'm well pleased. So, I didn't know what to do now that it was spun. Steff took pity on me (or maybe got tired of my comments on her blog asking her how to do things...he he) and since reading through some of the book, I've taken the crucial steps.

First I wound it around my niddy noddy...er...um...chair. I counted it up and found that I have about 40 yards. Perfect for my first afghan...I mean, coaster.

Then I blocked it. I would have spritzed it, if we had a spritzer. Instead I threw handfuls of water onto it and let it dry. I did this because I realized, from the book, that my yarn is overtwisted. Who knew? I thought the more twist the better. But, no.

Since blocking it on the chair, the twist stays the way it should and works into a lovely cute skein.

When I say cute, I mean cute. To get a sense of the scale, here's my foot. It's a not quite a knome-sized skein, but close. :)

The wool is batting of some sort from Asheville, NC. I bought it there at the Earth Guild (a very cool place). I think it's "locally grown" there. The wool isn't the softest or combed much, but I found it enjoyable.

3) Lorena brought 3 skeins of Lisa Souza's hand-dyed yarn to SnB on Sunday for me to fondle. Oh my GOODNESS! I could just sit and stare at it. I had to firmly remind myself that I needed to return the yarn to Lorena and do something besides stare at yarn for the next couple hours. I was interested to find that I was most drawn to the yarn with colors that aren't necessarily "my colors". My idea of beautiful colors has been changing of late. Of course, Steff was also next to me knitting her Lime n' Violet yarn from Lisa Souza as well. It knits up beautifully. (I think they were conspiring against me.) So, although I have plenty of sock yarn now, I NEED some of this stuff. If not to knit, simply to have my own staring material.

4) In January our SnB is going to have a shawl KAL. I've been busy looking through pictures of shawls. Now that has to be one of the best experiences. Lace is hot stuff. I can't wait to start.

And so all these things have been inspiring me around my knitting. My choice of patterns, choice of yarns, choice of colors, choice of needles, etc. All these things represent something. I'm realizing that if I'm going to knit something, shouldn't it be something beautiful? I mean, there are simple things I'll always want to knit- something meditative and relaxing. But, I really want to put my intention towards beauty in my knitting. And heck, I'm gonna buy some expensive yarn if I want to. If it adds to the loveliness around me, it's well worth it.

In a way, this is kind of the theme behind this whole blog. I try to take pictures of things in ways that feel beautiful to me, because that is how I view knitting.

I seek to create beauty. I seek to invite beauty into my life.

Enjoying my day

2006-10-23T19:04:00.000-04:00

I have just had a truly wonderful day. And I'm so glad, because I really was hoping for one :) David and I got up together and really enjoyed our morning reconnecting and being together. I tell you, that kind of morning is really underrated. Then, although it was 61 degrees, cloudy, and windy, we decided to go to the beach. We were both thinking we might be crazy. I mean, it was COLD. But, we idealistically hoped for the best.

It was magic. By the time we arrived at Anastasia State Park, it was 74 degrees, mostly sunny, and beautiful. We paid our $5, walked across onto the beach and found we were the only people there. It was stunning to find ourselves suddenly transported into a perfect day on the beach with not a person in sight. Of course, as the day continued to be nice, people began to arrive. But still, very few people- I guess being a weekday helps. We ate lunch, I knit, we went for a swim, lay in the sun together, swam again, thanked the beach, and contentedly went home.

Water is a wondrous thing. It can create movement in a body where everything felt stuck- without much effort on the body owner's part. I like it.

In the last month or so, I've been enjoying my life more. This has largely been the result of a fairly major epiphany the night before my birthday that it's OK for me to be happy. I know, it sounds simple. But, I tend to believe that if I'm happy then I'm being selfish, and others probably are suffering as a result. I also have felt in the past that I don't deserve to be happy and I don't deserve to get what I want. Well, that is being blown out of the water lately as I've been experiencing what life would be if I really ALLOWED myself to be happy. Not to MAKE myself happy when I'm not really. But, to allow myself to enjoy life and feel happy when I'm enjoying life. You know what? People around me actually benefit from my happiness. They aren't held back by my getting the things I want. Yes, it sounds simple, but it's taking awhile for this to really sink in.

As I've experienced my happiness more lately, other subtleties are coming up. The more I enjoy my life, the less willing I am to engage in aspects of life that I DON'T enjoy. And, I become less satisfied with allowing those things in my life. So, where do I go with that? What do I do with the things that are not feeling so good to me and actually bringing me down (particularly if those things are a big part of my identity)? Right now I'm in the midst of looking at what my true needs are. What do I want in my life, and what don't I want?

This is the first time I'm really allowing myself to think about what I want and don't want. Not that you always get what you want. But, I think it's important to atleast acknowledge what you want before rejecting it.

A Croc in Gator Country

2006-10-21T10:09:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I completed the Knitpicks Mock Croc Socks. On completion of these socks, I vowed never again to attempt a lace pattern for size 11 1/2 feet. (We'll see how long that vow lasts). This was the first time I seriously needed a different project between socks (that's when the flower washcloth came in). However, I really like them.

The pattern itself was easy (when I remembered to count the rows). Basically, it's 5 rows of knitting with one row of other stuff. I quickly memorized it and would knit them again- just not with such big feet. These are for my mom, and I thought it would be cute for her to have some "croc" skin, since she always is interested in the gators when she visits from CT.

Funny, in the Knitpicks catalog, this pattern looks kind of utilitarian- like, well, "croc" skin. However, knit in this color it's really quite pretty.

There was just one place in the pattern that I didn't really approve of and would do differently next time. The heel. I'm not learned enough in this area to know what this sort of turning of the heel is called, but I don't like how it works up. Honestly, it was easier to turn this heel than my usual method, but the result is a thin, straight heel that feels/looks weird, in my opinion. You do a heel flap, and then to turn the heel, you:

Row 1: sl1, K21, ssk, turn

Row 2: sl1, p9, p2tog, turn

Row 3: sl1, k9, ssk, turn

Repeat rows 2 and 3 until you've worked all the heel stitches.

It's that last sentence that makes this such a thin, static heel. Just my opinion. Anyone know what it's called?

Also wanted to comment on the yarn. YES! This is lovely yarn. Regia Silk in "soft blue". I had bought some opal silk at the same time online. They both came, and the regia just blows the opal out of the water in terms of softness. I wanted something that really felt soft- this is it.

Mom's Moc Croc Socks

Yarn: Regia Silk in soft blue

Pattern: Moc Croc Socks (by Susan Lawrence exclusively for Knit Picks)

Comments: I knit the large size, since I wasn't sure about the smaller size fitting around a swollen ankle. The pattern was easy to read and I like the yarn. Alittle splitty, but so soft! I used US1 DPNs.

A young knitter

2006-10-20T20:15:00.000-04:00

Today I went to David's school to pick him up. As is often the case, I had about 30 minutes to kill before his class let out. So, I settled into a comfy chair in the lobby to do my knitting. Also in the lobby sat the 9-year-old daughter of one of David's classmates. MAN was she shy :) But, I remembered her mom telling me that she loves knitting and has been learning. I used my knitting as a lure to get her talking a bit. It was beautiful to see the way talking about knitting opened her up- not much, but some. Apparantly she is currently knitting a rainbow colored headband.

I was impressed by her one question: "What kind of needles are those?"

Me: "They're double pointed needles. I use them so I can knit in the round without sewing up the seams."

Her: *obviously not satisfied*

Me: "They're bamboo"

Her: "Cool!"

She is the first 9-year-old I've met to be interested in what my needles were made of. Well, the first person of any age outside of SnB :)

Starting a blog (catching up on projects)

2006-10-16T19:28:00.000-04:00

What does one say in order to start a blog? How about the question of WHY? I started this blog in order to post about my knitting projects and other fiber related escapades. I have considered such a blog since June, when I joined my local Stitch n' Bitch here in Gainesville, FL. A few of the women there have blogs and got me hooked on reading knitblogs. However, it has taken me some time to desire my own knitblog. The reasons I now have such a desire?

1) I'm realizing that Christmas is coming soon. And, when it does, all these beautiful knitted items currently decorating my home will be gone- vamoose! I want a way to remember them for personal reasons. (After all, although they are totally intended for their recipients, they are a part of me.)

2) As knitting has become more than a hobby, and truly a part of my daily living experience, I've been wanting more ways to express myself around it. Sometimes I feel isolated during the week, or put into a particular category when nonknitters see me knitting. Sometimes I lose a sense of why I knit. Don't get me wrong- I always love it, but if enough people think of me as a "sweet young lady who knits socks for her husband- and oh! she must be such a good homemaker!" my eyes start to glaze a bit, and I lose my connection to the realness of my knitting- the texture, the beauty, the passionate excitement. And so, a blog may be a means for me express who I am and explore more of my identity as a knitter.

3) I want to be a part of the online knitting community. When I buy yarn, I'm always browsing people's blogs to see how something knit up for THEM. I'm so grateful for that opportunity and would like to do the same for others.

4) I get to show off. Yippee!

And so, I've taken pictures of the various projects I've completed since, say, April. That is when I really got serious about knitting and those are the projects I feel closest to. Before that point, I had 2 projects I knit over and over again. Firstly, a roll-brim stockinette stitch hat in the round. Very nice, but very "the same". Secondly, dolls from a Waldorf Schooling pattern. There was a man and a woman (and children, but I never bothered to knit them). Here's what I'm talking about (imagine eyes, and maybe some hair, which I would have added if my interest for the SAME project hadn't waned).

Alright...after finishing one of my famous hats in April, I began expanding my knitting by trying my first pair of socks. I stopped by my LYS in order to find the right yarn and pattern. I have since found out from my SnB that this was the wrong move, given the lack of good advise available at our LYS. The owner of the store recommended an acrylic yarn for this pair, and I wasn't knowledgable enough to know better. However, I still love my first pair- even if they are acrylic worsted weight in Florida. They are cozy. (Disregard the spare foot on the left of the picture. My husband David wanted in on the action before his sock's chronological order.)

Abigail's First Socks:

Yarn: Plymouth Encore - Worsted Weight 75% Acrylic, 25% Wool - color 7121

Pattern: Knitting Pure & Simple- Beginner Socks. I used US7 DPNs (way too big)

Comments: I haven't washed these yet. However, I've worn them around the house now and then since their completion and they are already frizzing and almost felting themselves on the bottom. So, while they are very cozy, and I enjoy them a great deal, I won't use this yarn again. The pattern was easy to use.

Somehow after my first pair of socks I had enough gumption to try lace socks (I'd never done lace before). These are for my mother-in-law, with size 5-51/2 feet (nice for socks). I'm well pleased with them, except for the fact that I hadn't yet met the acquaintance of my SnB'ers and still followed the LYS recommendation for acrylic. (What is it with them and acrylic?)

Raindrop Lace Socks - for Mama

Yarn: Sirdar Snuggly - 4 ply 55% Nylon, 45% Acrylic - color 0240

Pattern: Fiber Trends - Raindrop Lace Socks. US2 DPNs

Comments: I like 'em quite a bit. I always feel that lace socks look different when they are ON, so I'm looking forward to seeing what they look like on her, since I'll never fit them on my feet. The yarn is very soft and, well, "snuggly".

We shall now take a short break from socks to visit a shawl for my best friend, Amy. Amy came to visit, saw this shawl hanging in the LYS, and fell in love. She chose the yarn (fabulous colors) and the pattern. I happily knit it with love. I apologize for the poor picture. I didn't realize at the time I was modeling for a picture.

Amy's Shawl:

Yarn: Fiesta Rayon Boucle, and Fiesta Gelato - both in the color Sandstone

Pattern: Fiesta Yarn's Tasseled Shawl

Comments: I loved the colors in this shawl. However, I found the yarn a pain to knit with. The characteristic that makes it so elegant and sexy in person makes it difficult to handle as a knitter- the yarn is slippery. On big (US17) plastic needles, the effect was accentuated. So, I like the end effect- particularly the beautiful tassels, but don't know if I'll use that yarn again.

You will pleased to know that, in our online timeline, I have now met the SnB'ers, who set me straight about acrylic. My next pair were wool- with Aloe and Jojoba!

Auntie A's Socks

Yarn: Austermann Step Color 10

Pattern: Sockulator Socks

Comments: I really like the Step yarn. It feels really soft for wool, and has a nice firm give to it when knitting up. I don't know if I like the specks in the colors. Honestly these aren't my colors, but I like them better than this color looks in the Austermann color card. The Sockulator pattern worked well for me as a basic guide, besides from a few obvious things that didn't sound quite right.

I liked the Austermann Step so much that I used it for my next pair as well- for my husband David. These were my first toe-up socks.

David's Socks:

Yarn: Austermann Step - color 04

Pattern: I dunno. I collected ideas for toe-up socks. Figure8 cast-on. Short row heel.

Comments: I continue to like the Austermann. It feels good on my fingers to work with. I think I'll stick with cuff-down socks. Somehow the tradition of it appeals to me, and I didn't like the short row heel enough to work harder on it.

So, I decided to try something new at this point.

Brioche Hat:

Yarn: Knitpicks' Wool of the Andes. One skein each of Arctic Pool Heather and Amethyst Heather.

Pattern: Brioche Hat from Melanie Falick's book: "Weekend Knitting"

Comments: I've heard other bloggers refer to this as "the hat from hell". I'll admit to referring to it thus at the very beginning, and at the very end. However, the middle was just wonderful. I just enjoyed it knitting it so much. It was fun and made me feel very clever. I loved the feel of the wool against the Crystal Palace bamboo needles, I loved the colors, I loved the new technique. I think it's so cool that it's reversible.

It took awhile to figure out the cast-on, but with the help of a woman at the SnB, I got that out of the way. I like it.

I also wanted to comment on the flower washcloth from Weekend Knitting. Another project in which I felt very clever. Clever because of the cool pattern, and also because I used my first stash yarn! I used Knitpicks Crayon in Azure as a substitute for the Cotton Chenille. Since then I have felt the Cotton Chenille, and I will happily say I much prefer the Knitpicks Crayon. The Crayon is so soft and fluffy. I like it. It was a bit annoying to knit with- got caught on the needles now and then. But, I got over it, and I like the effect, particularly with this washcloth.

Well, that's all for now. Future posts shouldn't be nearly so long. I had a lot to cover! *whew*